Initially she makes it pretty clear that she doesn't want anything in her ass. But our hero Johnny Cock Rocket uses the powers of persuasion and before you know it he's making sweet love to her festering cornhole. Not exactly fap worthy but if you're like me you'll fap anyway.
This piece highlights some cases of shoulda locked the fucking door but I'm thinking with my genitals and other hilarious cases of people getting busted.
What's hung like a Clydesdale and knows less words than a Pokemon? He's known simply as Vlad, and 37 states require a permit to walk around with that fucking thing in public.
[Melody Marks] started out [banging guys on gravel], eventually lived in Japan and became a [full time JAV idol]. Came back and made whatever the fuck this is you're watching here, and now moonlights as some sort of [findom lesbian] In other words; literal wife material.
Alright fellas, [-take a memo on your Newton-]: If girls aren't flocking to your Levi's like 1 star reviews to the newest Disney remake, then this might be in your future. Just keep track of those subscription fees so reality doesn't hit harder than 1996 did to Robert Downey Jr.
An aryan idol sexually trolls the hotel bell hop in order to win a "contest" that may or may not even exist. Regardless, Michael Cera is here to help. Although I'm not entirely convinced he's ever done this before.
Another posse of preoccupied partially sentient protagonists wondering if they could but never questioning if they should. These things would have never happened if they just gave Jeff Goldblum the Oscar.
Amazonian domination, severe rectal irrigation tutorials and we finish strong with the 99th reason to always leave classic movies in their original form. More here: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]
1 part Disney movie, 2 parts Carole Baskins. That was the plan up until Zazu used all of his Rosetta Stone credits on the Jack Sparrow of punani tsunamis. The result is an unexpected comedy duo, the likes of Seth Rogan would be hired to voice-over in the theatrical release. Why are the most important discoveries in life accidental?
Say hello to your new role model. His half-cocked baguette has seen more trauma than a Chicago emergency room, yet he's able to completely 180 the loyalty of one of the most bangin girls on the planet. Guess that old saying is true: Don't judge a book until it's deposited $250 into your bank account.
