The first girl may have very well ended erectile dysfunction as we know it with nothing more than eye contact alone. The second instantly brought the epidemic back in full force. That's what I call 50/50 booking, BROTHER.
A pleasant reminder that the more things change, the more they stay the same. I refuse to find meaning for this behavior in 2019. But luckily, one man already did.
How/Why semi-concious females go on the hunt for ding dongs that can literally rearrange their organs is beyond my knowledge. Clearly Naudi Nala's parents didn't raise no bitch. Now, somebody call Tom Savini and lets finish this horror film right.
Deep inside a dilapidated trailer decorated with street signs and rebel flags, a couple of questionable relations makes mouth coitus until something goes very wrong. This mishap, according to the camera man, is the greatest thing he has ever fucking seen.
Today's Menu: 1) Conor McGregor post-retirement 2) Ballin on a Budget 3) Hard Times Daddeh 4) The Mastadon Challenge 5) Contents Under Pressure 6) Always Get Your Moneys Worth
Hand's down the most offensive thing I've seen Asian women do (this week) since accidentally loading a buzzfeed article about NYC's dating scene. And much like that editorial, spending more than 5 minutes in the same room as one of these creatures may cause permanent damage. Prince didn't die for this. [SONG] [SONG]
What's mine is yours. And what's yours makes her think walking away from a 4-year degree in anthropological gender studies to do this instead was a bad fucking idea.
A League of Legends match resulting in something heterosexual? Why does she blow? Why doesn't he quit and return the favor? I haven't been this confused since making it to the end of Sleepaway Camp.
Essentially this is a public service announcement on the cons and cons of touring San Fransisco. Some will live to tell the tale. Others will merge with Skid Row through osmosis. But all will learn the defintion of Portuguese Breakfast.
So, who's really to blame here? The horse farm that secured their perimeter to keep her away from the livestock, or the guy with 4 Q's in his name that's keeping her on a 1-token drip for the past 4 hours? [MORE]
Playstation One-levels of animation and someones first experience with Windows Movie Maker goes horribly... right? In other words, I only ejaculated twice. And that's coming from a man whos seen Sarah Silverman naked. My voice matters.
Listen up you cockeyed scumbag: There are places all over the country that are designated for hucking ham sauce anywhere you please. So next time, order up a caramel Frap, squeeze into the handicap stall at Starbucks and join the rest of the evolved population you repugnant, bald-headed shit twizzler.
Symptom #293 you need to put an end to the all-turnip and MDMA diet: You develop the sex drive of a cinder block followed by the kind of speech impediment that could end a marriage in Alabama. But rather than seek Dr. Phil's help, you do this instead.
My first pay-to-play happened in a Burger King toilet stall. She was more Kurt Perry than Katy Perry, Kinda foul. Not even a triple replay of Heather Graham's bush in Boogie Nights changed the mood that night. But... if I had this guy's attitude? Life... life would be different.
Meet "AColdnessInMyHeart", the star of the most extreme self-harm blog that ever existed. This gets pretty disturbing... but there's something strangely pornographic about how she showcases her wet gaping wounds.
Much like Cardi B's popularity, one has to question why this even exists in and how we got here in the first place. Emphasis on the Oscar-award winning method acting seen in the opening dialogue. Simply brilliant. More HERE.
Two semesters spent shotgunning Bud Light and using the sink as a toilet? No problemo. Thirty five seconds of experienced squabblenecking? Not a fucking chance. Ladies and gentlegenders - I present to you face of higher education. [SONG]
Much like the Fast and Furious franchise, this series went from "what the fuck am I watching" to How do we get John Cena into one of these scenes? pretty damn quick. The tipping point involves Morgan Lee's last hurrah before someone convinced her to bootleg Lil Wayno songs. And no, you can't unsee that either.
Reminds me of something my grandpa used to say: Your output is only as good as your input. Not since the the trailer for Terminator Dark Fate have I been so disgusted with women over the age of 40.
Door Dash your chimichangas and fire up the Demi Lovato playlist, for you are about to witness the pinnacle of peak male performance. Not since the 2017 inauguration have I heard this many vegan-powered war cries go unanswered lol
Don't be fooled by the "i argue with people on Reddit about Sonic the Hedgehog" starter kit. He might have the body type of a Twitch streamer... but trust me. This is no sex noob.
11 Seconds: That's the average time it takes for one family-sized order of Chang's Orange Chicken to kick flip it's way out of my body and make it's way back to the manure farm. It's also the amount of time it takes the new poster girl for "LOLIDGAF" to get the official Efukt seal of approval. You're welcome. [MORE]
Most erections flatline after muttering the letters "ICP". Maybe even translate into an episode of syphilis or three. But not here. Enjoy this one slowly... for today Holly Hendrix proves without a shadow of a doubt that everyone with her last name is a natural-born musician.
I can't imagine how many family gatherings have been derailed thanks to the conversation that followed wearing one of these beauties to dinner. How the fuck are you supposed to multitask keeping grandma vertical AND explain this? Spoiler alert: You can't. A choice must be made.
