Never have I seen a man do something so shameful with such grace. Where there's disrespect, he shows confidence. And where there's romance, well... he really doesn't give two cinnamon toast fucks.
Ramming your wonder worm into a crazy girl's butthole without consequences is about as probable as Joe Biden finishing a Spartan Race. But you have to admire her dedication.
This is all but guaranteed to eradicate any story you may have been led to believe about how hard it is to bang an established pornstar. Don't be misled by this man's total lack of enthusiasm: Your hunt of commissioned snapper begins now.
Symptom #39 that you've graduated from tastless MILF meat, to fully fledged bum ranger: You find yourself with 15 minutes between PTA meetings, and instead of preparing for it, you roll the dice and smash sum butt hash instead.
Seriously, don't laugh at this. Even if your soul is more decayed than Robert De Niro's asshole after a spirited brunch at Del Taco, it should still tell you that giggle time is officially cancelled. That is, until we get an official statement from her father lol. [SONG 1, 2] [MORE]
Pretty much the most perplexing acts of genital manipulation I've witnessed since marathoning all 47 volumes of SSBBW Ivy and Friends Videos. My voice matters today more than ever before.
A Dwayne Johnson body massage, Discounted Rice-a-Roni and the Final Season of Game of Thrones: All things I'd willingly commit to before slapping a ring on Jasmine Bryne. Pay attention boys: One day it might be half of YOUR Amiibo collection. [full scene] [song one] [song two]
Internet webcam hooker Bella Alice appears to suffer from acute reflex seizures triggered by sexual climax. She also uses a sound activated dildo that vibrates when people tip her which is funny af. [Watch Bella: HERE] [Song: HERE]
Show me a woman that puts this much effort into her vadgevertising, and I'll show you the kind of divorced mother of 3 I want Dr. Phil to dedicate a 2-part episode to. Charging men today, Charging NYC car owners to park tomorrow.
Deep inside a dilapidated trailer decorated with street signs and rebel flags, a couple of questionable relations makes mouth coitus until something goes very wrong. This mishap, according to the camera man, is the greatest thing he has ever fucking seen.
Today's Menu: 1) Conor McGregor post-retirement 2) Ballin on a Budget 3) Hard Times Daddeh 4) The Mastadon Challenge 5) Contents Under Pressure 6) Always Get Your Moneys Worth
Hand's down the most offensive thing I've seen Asian women do (this week) since accidentally loading a buzzfeed article about NYC's dating scene. And much like that editorial, spending more than 5 minutes in the same room as one of these creatures may cause permanent damage. Prince didn't die for this. [SONG] [SONG]
What's mine is yours. And what's yours makes her think walking away from a 4-year degree in anthropological gender studies to do this instead was a bad fucking idea.
A League of Legends match resulting in something heterosexual? Why does she blow? Why doesn't he quit and return the favor? I haven't been this confused since making it to the end of Sleepaway Camp.
Essentially this is a public service announcement on the cons and cons of touring San Fransisco. Some will live to tell the tale. Others will merge with Skid Row through osmosis. But all will learn the defintion of Portuguese Breakfast.
So, who's really to blame here? The horse farm that secured their perimeter to keep her away from the livestock, or the guy with 4 Q's in his name that's keeping her on a 1-token drip for the past 4 hours? [MORE]
Playstation One-levels of animation and someones first experience with Windows Movie Maker goes horribly... right? In other words, I only ejaculated twice. And that's coming from a man whos seen Sarah Silverman naked. My voice matters.
Listen up you cockeyed scumbag: There are places all over the country that are designated for hucking ham sauce anywhere you please. So next time, order up a caramel Frap, squeeze into the handicap stall at Starbucks and join the rest of the evolved population you repugnant, bald-headed shit twizzler.
Symptom #293 you need to put an end to the all-turnip and MDMA diet: You develop the sex drive of a cinder block followed by the kind of speech impediment that could end a marriage in Alabama. But rather than seek Dr. Phil's help, you do this instead.
My first pay-to-play happened in a Burger King toilet stall. She was more Kurt Perry than Katy Perry, Kinda foul. Not even a triple replay of Heather Graham's bush in Boogie Nights changed the mood that night. But... if I had this guy's attitude? Life... life would be different.
Meet "AColdnessInMyHeart", the star of the most extreme self-harm blog that ever existed. This gets pretty disturbing... but there's something strangely pornographic about how she showcases her wet gaping wounds.
Much like Cardi B's popularity, one has to question why this even exists in and how we got here in the first place. Emphasis on the Oscar-award winning method acting seen in the opening dialogue. Simply brilliant. More HERE.
Two semesters spent shotgunning Bud Light and using the sink as a toilet? No problemo. Thirty five seconds of experienced squabblenecking? Not a fucking chance. Ladies and gentlegenders - I present to you face of higher education. [SONG]
Much like the Fast and Furious franchise, this series went from "what the fuck am I watching" to How do we get John Cena into one of these scenes? pretty damn quick. The tipping point involves Morgan Lee's last hurrah before someone convinced her to bootleg Lil Wayno songs. And no, you can't unsee that either.
I can't imagine how many family gatherings have been derailed thanks to the conversation that followed wearing one of these beauties to dinner. How the fuck are you supposed to multitask keeping grandma vertical AND explain this? Spoiler alert: You can't. A choice must be made.
