See that smile? That's the smile of a man that just realized there's more to life than Mountain Dew Code Red and Call of Duty. Quarantine has officially bonded us with the planet.
Not since the release of The Human Centipede have I seen a person's genitals put into such a 1-sided battle. She actually agrees to fuck the Terminator of ass rippage, cries legitimate tears and has a stage-walkoff that would make Kanye blush.
Consider the bar officially raised on entertainment that actually costs money. They call it "tipping". I call it "down payment on a restraining order". GET ER DONE.
For fuck sakes Japan. Not even a South Vietnamese psychiatrist could Ctrl+Alt+Del the mental imagery of this situation. Insane body though. I dub you craziest MILF I'd drag my dick through glass for.
Dead men rise from grave to start fuck by any means. Can YOU stop zombie? Watch whole porn movie clip before decide. WARNING FOR CHILDREN: gunshots and cumshots with Zomb13. Watch @ own sufferings. [Full Scene: HERE] [Song: HERE]
To truly appreciate this one you have to understand it's completely legit. This isn't just any old deviant pretending to get crotch lice at the carnival. And it may very well be the first documented swinger cuckolding. In other words: The only way Pavol is getting pussy juice on his face today is if he starts crying. [MORE]
Meet the Helen Keller of casual sex. At first I was like cool, another fake video I'm exposing my White Snake loincloth too... and then I realized this is 100% legit and should be in the first chapter of every sign language program in the country. Hit me up Rosetta Stone. [FULL SCENE]
The average Becky wouldn't be caught in a Burger King drivethru at night without marathoning 20 minutes of YouTube makeup tutorials. And then there's this powerhouse: Who ran out of fucks to give somewhere between the 3rd and 4th lung surgery. [FULL SCENE]
1 part Disney movie, 2 parts Carole Baskins. That was the plan up until Zazu used all of his Rosetta Stone credits on the Jack Sparrow of punani tsunamis. The result is an unexpected comedy duo, the likes of Seth Rogan would be hired to voice-over in the theatrical release. Why are the most important discoveries in life accidental?
This is siham. And what once was thought to be a single piss-poor decision has blossomed into a pattern of serious mental dysfunction. Her gimmick is basically r/politics except she actually makes money while posting. #GAG [MORE, TWITTER]
Apologies to all the competition out there: pieallthetime not only locked down the entire Mountain Dew demographic, but she's done it with such precision I'm actually impressed. Enjoy your participation trophy nerds. [Music] [Manyvids, Pornhub]
No, seriously don't. Every once in a while pornography life overlaps into real life lessons. Let's just be glad this learning experience was made possible without the assistance of Czechoslovakian accents, and a petting zoo. You don't want to see the things I've seen man.
Imagine challenging a man that has more performance trophies for his penis than you do for participating in mimosa day at Becky's Brunchonette and expecting to come out on top. Lady, there's only one person to blame here - and it's not the one who has the accent of a second-string Simpsons character. [MORE]
Times are tough man. You can try timing a drop in the market, or you can actually get something out of that stimulus check by signing up here. It's basically guaranteed Return on Erection and you'd be helping Efukt.
Homing in on the 10-clip anniversary of offensive sexual acts among a global pandemic, and yet I remain hopeful. I mean hopeful that people in quarantine will continue to produce more reprehensible content than a Harvey Weinstein video library, not the Covid stuff - we're fucked. Like the guy in the first clip: Fap until it goes dark.
Today's spread: a.) Famous fucktwats trying to cope with lack of attention b.) Historical tone deaf unawareness c.) Whatever final form Madonna has decided to mutate into. In other words - Three things to make your quarantine just a little bit worse.
I proudly present "La Magique Buco Culo" or "The Magic Butt Hole. This feat of pure sphincter talent took years of blood, sweat and tears all culminating to this moment. Captured on webcam and entered into the historical archives for your enjoyment. [MORE]
It's that time of year again. When degenerate girls jacked to the tits in daddy issues insist on doing it for tha gram but end up frail, fucked and forgotten. Not since the days of blindly acquiring porn ala 5600 baud Limewire have I come across a female with such anti-seminal fortitude.
The mentally ill adopted daughter of billionaire Steven Spielberg wants to be financially independent. So, what does any strong empowered independent female do in 2020? Make an onlyfans account. [intagram] [onlyfans] [news story]
An all-minority female cast ultimately leading to me losing faith in life itself? You can go ahead and file this under The 2016 Ghostbusters Reboot of Porn. And Bill Murray can't save you this time.
A caffeine addicted, amateur paranormal scientist returns home after an experiment to make contact with beings outside of earth has presumably failed. [Full Scene: HERE]
Say hello to your new idol. He's a recent graduate from the WWE school of acting for the mentally challenged and still manages to pull more suburban MILF poon then a 4-starred gynecologist on YELP. This particular desperate housewife is a prime example of why you should always FYD. [MORE]
First time I've seen a wife rental video where the girl and her hired gun are left more humiliated than the husband. 7 1/2 inches of New Orlean's finest essentially left them completely mute, save for some sobbing that is usually reserved for the customer service desk at Lululemon. Hilarious.
That's it man. As far as I'm concerned vegans have officially jumped the plant-based shark. Not even at the height of one of my patented Acid Trip + Red Lobster Biscuit wombo combo benders did I envision something as despicable as this going behind a paywall. More HERE and HERE. [SONG]
I can't imagine how many family gatherings have been derailed thanks to the conversation that followed wearing one of these beauties to dinner. How the fuck are you supposed to multitask keeping grandma vertical AND explain this? Spoiler alert: You can't. A choice must be made.
