LIFE LESSON #193: When entering into an agreement between sexual favors and money: Prepare your anus. The same rules apply to buying TSLA puts and dining at Country Buffet.
Yes, she's 18... and slightly defective. Really not sure what else to say about her. It's just another one of those geeky broads that's taken their obsession with Harry Potter spells a little bit too fucking far for me.
6 hour lines to get in the door for the Sourest Cream pringles and toilet ice cream? Doomsday preppers may have avoided the beer virus, but this taste never washes off. #killthem
Contrary to her appearance, lead-role acting isn't really this girl's specialty. Her BA in theater was more wasted than a Chinese man's pension check in a casino. But all of that's okay when you can see 360 degrees at all times.
And rounding third base for "Things nobody asked to fucking see ever" is this monstrosity of a Jimmy Dean sex tape. This video does in 3 minutes, what takes the customer service line at Walmart an entire afternoon to do: Completely crushes the spirit of a woman that considers 2 dipping sauces fine dining.
Homing in on the 10-clip anniversary of offensive sexual acts among a global pandemic, and yet I remain hopeful. I mean hopeful that people in quarantine will continue to produce more reprehensible content than a Harvey Weinstein video library, not the Covid stuff - we're fucked. Like the guy in the first clip: Fap until it goes dark.
Today's spread: a.) Famous fucktwats trying to cope with lack of attention b.) Historical tone deaf unawareness c.) Whatever final form Madonna has decided to mutate into. In other words - Three things to make your quarantine just a little bit worse.
I proudly present "La Magique Buco Culo" or "The Magic Butt Hole. This feat of pure sphincter talent took years of blood, sweat and tears all culminating to this moment. Captured on webcam and entered into the historical archives for your enjoyment. [MORE]
It's that time of year again. When degenerate girls jacked to the tits in daddy issues insist on doing it for tha gram but end up frail, fucked and forgotten. Not since the days of blindly acquiring porn ala 5600 baud Limewire have I come across a female with such anti-seminal fortitude.
Listen up zoomers: When it comes time to splurge those hanukkah nickles you've been hoarding - try making it a worthwhile investment like signing up here. It's basically guaranteed Return on Erection and you'd be helping Efukt.
The mentally ill adopted daughter of billionaire Steven Spielberg wants to be financially independent. So, what does any strong empowered independent female do in 2020? Make an onlyfans account. [intagram] [onlyfans] [news story]
An all-minority female cast ultimately leading to me losing faith in life itself? You can go ahead and file this under The 2016 Ghostbusters Reboot of Porn. And Bill Murray can't save you this time.
A caffeine addicted, amateur paranormal scientist returns home after an experiment to make contact with beings outside of earth has presumably failed. [Full Scene: HERE]
Say hello to your new idol. He's a recent graduate from the WWE school of acting for the mentally challenged and still manages to pull more suburban MILF poon then a 4-starred gynecologist on YELP. This particular desperate housewife is a prime example of why you should always FYD. [MORE]
First time I've seen a wife rental video where the girl and her hired gun are left more humiliated than the husband. 7 1/2 inches of New Orlean's finest essentially left them completely mute, save for some sobbing that is usually reserved for the customer service desk at Lululemon. Hilarious.
That's it man. As far as I'm concerned vegans have officially jumped the plant-based shark. Not even at the height of one of my patented Acid Trip + Red Lobster Biscuit wombo combo benders did I envision something as despicable as this going behind a paywall. More HERE and HERE. [SONG]
It's been 14 years of Efukt, so trust me when I say I know talent when I see it. Meet siswet. A girl that has cultivated a million Chaturbate followers by using her asshole to inhale anything without a birth certificate. I'm talking the Kirby of butt stuff and there's no fucking end in sight.
Imagine a community with no rules except "all the vag you can grab for the affordable price of $0". And it's not even behind the dumpster at a Floridian Denny's. Consider signing up - you'd be helping both Efukt and the war of butt AIDS.
Here it is. Round 2 in what is arguably the most offensive thing you can do in public besides mothershipping the handicap stall at Baskin Robbins. But unlike those shit gremlins - these titans of societal norms actually film the entire thing. [SONG]
Guys coming up short, Increasing Japan's tourism, Why not to go organic, Offending white college students and Incredible acts of self-reliance. This compilation covers more bases than Harvey Weinstein during a 3-day trip to the Bahamas. [ 0, 1, 2, 3, 4]
Imagine that. A girl with 2 first names doing trailer park things and the footage coming back to bite her in the cornhole. Around these parts we call this phenomenon "Monday Afternoon". But for Mary Beth Haglin, she's gonna need another 90 days to think about a sequel lol. [SONG] [MORE OF HER PORN]
7 samples into a hot dog warming party goes horribly wrong when one rogue cowboy says fuck all to the rules and slings his gentleman juice around like he's in the handicap stall at Country Buffet. The result is a crash course on Plan-B and why IQ tests need to be mandatory in porn. [More Here]
Classic case of overconfidence. If only she put as much research into this man's business model as she did into Instagram "fix my tits" filters, then maybe all of this could have been avoided. Ah well - Live, Learn and Burn.
A special "BRUH" moment for clip #4. I honestly haven't seen a woman that concerned since I test ran the floor units in Home Depot's toilet bowl section after White Castle started selling their burgers by the hundreds. Let's just say I'm not allowed to improve my house again until 2027. TAKE IT AWAY CORPSEGRINDER.
I can't imagine how many family gatherings have been derailed thanks to the conversation that followed wearing one of these beauties to dinner. How the fuck are you supposed to multitask keeping grandma vertical AND explain this? Spoiler alert: You can't. A choice must be made.
