This is ridiculous. Not lol-ridiculous like a chunk of society identifying as non-binary lesbian attack helicopters. She has zero reaction to being gutted like a sturgeon, and I keep waiting for David Attenborough's explanation.
She's not exactly equipped with Clint Eastwood's poker face. So when the "oh shit this dude might be serious" reaction washes over her, you know it's authentic. Reminiscent of a reoccurring dream I keep having involving Lizzo and all 31 flavors at Baskin Robbins.
Contrary to appearance, churning this cornhole cavern won't result in receiving a large order of spicy chicken nuggets. Proving yet again that you shouldn't believe stereotypes. It just leads to disappointment. And the faint aroma of D-batteries.
Bangbros hosts a college party of pornstars and one attendee turns out to be an 18 year old virgin. Can this young incel overcome some gay adversity to finally lose his virginity to two pornstars? [More College Orgy Parties: HERE]
A teenager confesses his first sexual experience. Based on a true story about a peanut butter sandwich, the dangers of masturbating, and how Aunt Opal made her nephew a man. A man with issues needing life long therapy, but a man none the less. [Full Scene]
Classic case of overconfidence. If only he put as much effort into his hygiene as she did into Walmart bathrooms she choose to get tattooed in, then maybe this permanent mark on his resume could have been avoided. Live, learn and always wipe twice. [ TWITTER] [ONLYFANS]
The one and only JSC aka The O.G. Wzard of the Teflon Rectum. Her anal acrobatics set such a standard in the renaissance days of underground porn, you'd almost forget she used her vag recreationally. But in 1998... something magical happened...
I dunno man... this seems like a pretty predictable outcome to me. Shes got the tolerance of silicon carbide and the prick practicing Macho Man's entire moveset is more annoying than a checkmarked Twitter account. Permanent damage should be expected. [MORE: HERE, HERE]
Today we raise the question: "Is Ginger Banks a sexual assault victim or is she a repeat sex offender? Maybe both? Maybe neither? 50/50?" It's 2020 and we can't think for ourselves, so it's up to cancel culture to decide. [PETITION]
Today's lessons: Little Dicky is a literal name (4:21), Tourism is still alive and well (0:11) and statistically speaking, this is the least likely way to acquire an STD in public. Trust me, I've seen 3 full episodes of House M.D.
It took years, but we finally have another worthy entry for the museum of unintentional rectal breaching. I'm talkin 3.5 nonstop minutes of backdoor bruising that white people should only experience inside the CHAZ zone. Only difference is the people in this video actually put meat inside their bodies lol.
Pornhub users Eleo and Mish describe themselves as "a creative young couple who are open to everything new". Which is a strange way to phrase fucking in changing rooms to wipe cum on varied clothing products and putting them back on the rack. [Music]
onlyfans: Some sign up to get a girl through hard times. Others are forced after capitulating an attempt to pay prostitutes in Wendy's coupons. They all start off good, but much like me during Terminator Dark Fate, it only takes 27 seconds to realize you just wasted your money.
I think her first mistake was swiping right inside a Walmart. That kind of risk taking can only translate into one thing: "your 17 inches of combo wieners doesn't phase me, please man up and turn my kidneys into a box of Idaho spud's classic mashed potatoes". Invitation accepted [MORE]
Dead men rise from grave to start fuck by any means. Can YOU stop zombie? Watch whole porn movie clip before decide. WARNING FOR CHILDREN: gunshots and cumshots with Zomb13. Watch @ own sufferings. [Full Scene: HERE] [Song: HERE]
To truly appreciate this one you have to understand it's completely legit. This isn't just any old deviant pretending to get crotch lice at the carnival. And it may very well be the first documented swinger cuckolding. In other words: The only way Pavol is getting pussy juice on his face today is if he starts crying. [MORE]
Meet the Helen Keller of casual sex. At first I was like cool, another fake video I'm exposing my White Snake loincloth too... and then I realized this is 100% legit and should be in the first chapter of every sign language program in the country. Hit me up Rosetta Stone. [FULL SCENE]
The average Becky wouldn't be caught in a Burger King drivethru at night without marathoning 20 minutes of YouTube makeup tutorials. And then there's this powerhouse: Who ran out of fucks to give somewhere between the 3rd and 4th lung surgery. [FULL SCENE]
1 part Disney movie, 2 parts Carole Baskins. That was the plan up until Zazu used all of his Rosetta Stone credits on the Jack Sparrow of punani tsunamis. The result is an unexpected comedy duo, the likes of Seth Rogan would be hired to voice-over in the theatrical release. Why are the most important discoveries in life accidental?
This is siham. And what once was thought to be a single piss-poor decision has blossomed into a pattern of serious mental dysfunction. Her gimmick is basically r/politics except she actually makes money while posting. #GAG [MORE, TWITTER]
Apologies to all the competition out there: pieallthetime not only locked down the entire Mountain Dew demographic, but she's done it with such precision I'm actually impressed. Enjoy your participation trophy nerds. [Music] [Manyvids, Pornhub]
No, seriously don't. Every once in a while pornography life overlaps into real life lessons. Let's just be glad this learning experience was made possible without the assistance of Czechoslovakian accents, and a petting zoo. You don't want to see the things I've seen man.
I can't imagine how many family gatherings have been derailed thanks to the conversation that followed wearing one of these beauties to dinner. How the fuck are you supposed to multitask keeping grandma vertical AND explain this? Spoiler alert: You can't. A choice must be made.