Nevermind the fact that he looks like he lost his virginity to a Hulk Hogan body pillow. I just wanna know why he went for The Baltimore Handshake when another $20 would have gotten him fast-lane access to clam city.
LIFE LESSON #237: If someone uses the word negotiable in their Craigslist ad - move the fuck on to the next one or prepare to doomsday prep on Valtrex & Clorox bleach. Discounts are temporary. War-torn genitals arent.
Bitch looks like Velma Dinkly crossbred with a piece of asparagus and has deflated whoopie cushions for tits to boot - how does life get any worse? Becomming a communal sex toy for the YMCA. That's how. Parts 2-6
Luna Bella. Maybe you've already heard of her? She's no Alexis Ren. But what she's lacking in personality, genetics and decency, she makes up for in... well, nothing actually. Her tits look like they were bolted on by a blind intern at Lego Land, and I don't know whether to run or rim.
Bad judgement and holiday cheer combine forces like John McAffe and discounted hookers. Speaking of the scatmaster himself, he already gave us a gift nobody can top. BUY VERGE. When it's 2018, and you're knee deep in Cambodian cornhole island, remember who got you there. [Santa Baby] [SONG]
Around the 1:50 mark she denies a handful of the colonel's secret recipe. Uh uh. If that's her idea of cutting back on carbs, I'd love to know how she celebrates Thanksgiving. But the real question is: How many 2-for-1 Golden Corral coupons does it take to make this transaction possible?
Layin' pipe only has a few rules: 1) Look as little like Harvey Weinstein as possible 2) develop stamina and 3) maintain an erection harder than a bowl of Campbell's tomato soup. Not exactly a difficult list... but this Khokhol is determined to challenge at least 2 key items today. GG NO RE
How many times have I said sweet mother of Hulk Hogan, Asians are fucking crazy? Seventy nine. How many times did I actually mean it? ZEER-OH... until today. Grab some industrial-strength sling hooks and drop-ship her ass into southern California. Boom, problem solved.
I like her face. I like her enthusiasm. But above all I like her devotion to commitment. Her borderline absent reaction to an explosive device detonating inside her spincther however, has reinforced my stance on late-term abortions. Like, 35 years late. Toss a token in the abyss [ HERE ]
Undoubtedly the most erotic thing I've seen since responding to an OKCupid message from a girl named The Violator. Results were similar if you replace 'cumshot' with 'Hellmans Tartar Sauce'. And 'private affair' with 'Burger King during rush hour'. [ FULL SCENE ]
Much like the original Evil Dead trilogy, this goes from semi-romantic to LOL IT'S TIME TO STOP pretty damn quick. A taint-punching compilation that can only be truly appreciated by vaping-enthusiasts and those that refuse to listen to Limp Bizkit unless it's on vinyl. Part 1 HERE
Arnost and his 1 inch mosquito bite take a nosedive into humiliation whilst trying to perform in front of a live studio audience. Sorry friendo, but I think it's best you take that CHUD haircut and make your way back to the subreddit you done crawled up out of. [S'MORE]
Nothing spells H-I-G-H M-A-I-N-T-E-N-A-N-C-E like a lady refusing a gift. TEH FACTS: They'll never look at a 2-Liter the same again, tolerance is non-negotiable and getting them to do a sequel? Well... that's about as likely as Lebron James growing a hairline. More [ HERE ] Song [ HERE ]
Perhaps 'audible' is the wrong word to use here, as it suggests this misfit anticipated the scene going any other possible way. She didn't. Trust me. I've been inside a Walmart parking lot on a Friday night - I know what I'm talking about. [Full Scene: HERE] [Remixes: HERE]
Aim for dry ground and let 'er rip. That's been the formula for centuries... until Krystal "i have standards" Steal showed up. You see, she has more apathy for body fluids than Paula Deen has for low fat potato chippies. Ever wonder what it would be like if KFC had an all-you-can-eat buffet? That's the kind of 'sounds fun but always ends bad' disappointment I'm talking about here.