B-hole brutally wrecked at the hands of some Italians, likely won't be able to walk straight for a week. No, this isn't my review for the new Parmesan Crusted Steak @ Olive Garden. This is the infamous Rocco vs. Roxy Jezel scene, and you should watch the uncut version HERE.
First time squirters, prolapse-induced climaxes and bittersweet hategasms... today's vid has more variety than a fuckin Sizzler salad bar. Best comes last, so I recommend you see this one all the way through. SOURCES: #1, #2, #3, #4, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12.
I've never seen Gianna cave before, no matter how big the cock. It's as if her vaginal canal is made of Teflon, with more square footage than James Van Deer Beek's forehead. But after watching this, I'm not so sure. Sources for intro 1, 2, 4, 5. Full tap-out scene HERE.
Here it is. The Citizen Kane of ewww your semen tastes like Gene Wilder's deceased asshole. Actually, I'm not entirely sure whether or not Gene is deceased, but I trust that the implied mental image is effective all the same. SOURCES: #1, #2, #3, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12
There's really nothing more emasculating than getting taunted over your sexual inadequacies, save for maybe your mom walking in on you as you spank it to Robin Williams in Jumanji. The point is... Jumanji is a great movie and unfairly disregarded.
Crack addicts, painal, premature ejaculation... this video is more well rounded than the Denny's Grand Slam that I didn't pay for this morning. Unfortunately there's no kicker, but what it lacks in surprise endings... it makes up for in orgasmic zombie moans.
I like this girl. She's soft spoken and emotionally reserved. To win her over I'd really have to pull out all the stops - Netflix Desperado, bathe in Suavitel fabric softner, and come to terms with being called silly shit like 'Papi'. The things I'd do for love. Full video HERE and only there.
Not since the 2005 release of 1 Night In Chyna have I seen a woman with such a fucked up misunderstanding of eroticism. She grunts like pirate with stage 4 throat cancer, pisses all over the place, and has a finishing act that'll assfuck your brain cells. Full video HERE.
Here's some wisdom I picked up while watching an infomercial for Tony Little's Gazelle Sprintmaster - always maintain good form. Sloppy form is how people get Christopher Reeve'ed. Don't think the same is applicable to sucking dick? Neither did she. FULL VIDEO HERE.
Nothing quite spells EFUKT like a supposed 'Navy Seal' turned male pornstar challenging 80+ CSUN students to a backyard brawl, whilst completely naked and armed with nothing but a slowly deflating boner. HAHA. Check out the full scene HERE.
She's junior college educated, has a rack to premature ejaculate for, and isn't afraid to slob on the knob after her partner takes a trip to cornhole city. Superintendent Jackoff & Co can hate all they want, this angel is a keeper. Read HERE. See her nastiest videos HERE, HERE, and HERE.
This dude ejaculates Grey Poupon. Straight up. It's the most bedazzling shit I've seen since that picture of Jesus appearing on a dog's asshole. Be sure to keep a towel handy in case you vomit and/or nut. See the full video HERE.
I saw my 1st prolapse at 16 while surfing the old blog section of Khan Tusion's meatholes.com. It was pretty foul. Not even a rewatch of Katie Holmes's titties in The Gift could shake my mood . So who the fuck is this Khan Tusion guy ? This video sheds some light. More HERE.
Dont let the bandana fool you. This cholo's 'tough guy' persona is about as real as his pleather jacket. Such is illustrated after Gianna does the unforgivable - an unconsensual snowball attack - which he takes like a total bitch. This is funny as fuck. DOWNLOAD THE FULL VIDEO HERE.
After boning a good 75% of New Jersey's crackwhore population, Facial Abuse has finally broken some unfamiliar ground - giving a girl an actual orgasm, and apparently an epic one at that... this chick is left more googly eyed than fuckin Steve Buscemi! Full video HERE. Song HERE.
She's got a unique look. It's two parts concentration camp, one part Glamour Girls. If anyone's interested in a wager, I have Season 6 of Bill Nye the Science Guy on bluray that says my pet chinchilla drops bigger deuces than this chick. More of her HERE.
Working the graveyard shift usually sucks Golden Retriever dick, but it's not entirely absent of perks. During my tenure at the 24 hour Rite Aid, I enjoyed a 10% increase in pay and unadulterated access to the ice cream station. But as for complimentary blowjobs from tresspassing prostitutes... that one's all up to this smooth talking Apu.
UPDATE: this girl actually emailed me, here's the background story - she lives in a KKK-laden town where 12 inch black wangs are the forbidden fruit. Undeterred, she sought salvation on blackplanet.com and ultimately bit off more BBC than her vagina could chew. Here's some pics she sent me: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.