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How To Fuck Like A King

Damn. I could really use some service like this. At 325 pounds, I'm lucky if I can even find my cock, let alone put it to use. Sign me up for 2, along with 4 beefcakes to handle all movement.

11/02/08 LULZ

You Fucked My Pussy Up

It's not your typical work-related injury, but these things do happen... especially when someone is intentionally thrusting their foot into your vagina. It could've been worse - a flesh wound via jagged toenail... that would've put her out of work for good.

10/26/08 Fail

Go Away Bro, I'm Masturbating

This is why I carry a 12oz bottle of my mace in my center console. Rest stops are great for quick 'on the road' jackoff sessions but they're almost always laden with dirty old men looking to score free peep shows. If they want to see me make love to myself, they gotta pay... otherwise it's mace to the face.

10/19/08 Busted!

Dying Orgasm

Just close your eyes and listen to the audio. Only time I've heard a man make sounds like that was in Al-Qaeda beheading video. See more from this awesome couple here: 1, 2 and 3.

09/10/08 Orgasms

Long Like The Neck Of An Ostrich

I have dreams of my penis being that big. I see myself wearing loose fitted short shorts with my wang hanging out the side as I rollerblade by the beach. Jealous men shield their girlfriends eyes as my cock sways back and forth in the wind.

09/08/08 Big Dicks

Make Sure My Pussy Works

She hits up the doctor cause she's having difficulty getting pregnant. I'm no gynecologist but if shaved that bush her husband would probably have an easier time finding the right hole.

09/05/08 Documentary

Oh Noes The Condom Broke!

I found this on some website that pays $2,000 for homemade porno. I'm kinda bummed... they rejected all 3 of my personal sextapes, citing that my 2 inch penis wouldn't appeal to general audiences. Ouch!

Psycho Orgasm

A self induced orgasm leaves her flopping around like a fish out of water. Reminds me of myself when I lost my virginity, except I actually cried a litte. Tears of joy.

08/23/08 Orgasms

But Youre My Brother Lolz

Vintage porno with family undertones makes me laugh. It also heightens my urge to be transported back to the 70's so that I can fuck the shit out of hippies along side mothers with beehive hairdos.

08/21/08 Vintage

Fucking In An Internet Cafe

All I wanna know is how the fuck did he do that without the employee noticing? Some sort of pussy pounding stealth mode... I gotta learn that so I can fuck my hookers without waking up mom and dad.

07/29/08 Public

eFukt's Biggest Fan

Which one of you is this? Don't be shy. I have unconditional love for all of my visitors.

07/15/08 Mildly Retarded

Mean Girls Ridicule Noob

This video really hits close to home. I too was once ridiculed for bustin my sloppy goo nuts prematurely. My ego was scarred and so was my penis (herpes). Watching this brings it all back.

Bosnian Nympho Fucks In A Bar

I should probably visit Bosnia. If girls will drop their panties for dirty old scumbags like that over there, I might still have a shot at losing my virginity afterall.

07/11/08 Public

You Suck At Fucking My Wife

This guy propositioned a black man to fuck his wife, hoping to satisfy her desires for a huge cock. The black man gladly agrees but later discovers that fulfilling his role isn't as easy as he had anticipated.

07/04/08 Fail

Hey! Watch Me Fuck!

Look at all those wild spectators... snapping pics for their myspace. I like the one wearing the goggles and dancing with his toy shotgun. He's special.

06/22/08 Public

Not In My Pooper

Initially she makes it pretty clear that she doesn't want anything in her ass. But our hero Johnny Cock Rocket uses the powers of persuasion and before you know it he's making sweet love to her festering cornhole. Not exactly fap worthy but if you're like me you'll fap anyway.

05/27/08 Amateur

Heart Attack Orgasm

When I lost my virginity 2 weeks ago my orgasm sounded very similair to this.

05/15/08 Orgasms

Hotdog Down A Hallway

There's enough room in there for my penis, your penis and 3 black men's penises. Definitely not my favorite combination but hey, it fits.

05/08/08 Insertions

How To Make A Girl Cum

If your penis is insufficient, watch this video and learn how to give a girl an orgasm so big that she'll giiggle like school girl and love you forever. This would be quite a change for me, most girls just spit in my face after sex. They just can't seem to appreciate ass 2 mouth.

04/19/08 Orgasms

The Troubles Of Making Porn

Apparently getting your dick hard for a hot pornstar isn't as easy as you'd think. I'd probably blow my load before even getting my cock out of my pants.

04/16/08 Fail
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