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Your Cock Will Never Be That Big

Luckily I'll never be exposed to such humiliation at the hands of a woman, for in my hometown of Tajikistan it's a criminal offense to mock a man's penis size, punishable by decapitation via serrated butter knife. But that's not to say a woman would ever have any reason to shame my kidney cracker to begin with. Trust me, I put horses to shame.

01/16/09 Amateur

No, I Will Not Fuck You

I want to be like this guy. I want to have woman begging for my cock and me be all like "lol no, slut" but I just don't see this happening. I mean right now I get rejected by everyone, including prostitutes (yes, even the black ones) so I don't know what the fuck to do. Maybe one of you will beg for my cock? C'mon, it's Christmas. Let me penetrate your holiday spirit.

12/09/08 Amateur

Eat Your Own Pussy!

LOL @ the dialogue and fap fap fap @ the forced cunnilingus. I love these variety videos.

10/20/08 Vintage

Go Away Bro, I'm Masturbating

This is why I carry a 12oz bottle of my mace in my center console. Rest stops are great for quick 'on the road' jackoff sessions but they're almost always laden with dirty old men looking to score free peep shows. If they want to see me make love to myself, they gotta pay... otherwise it's mace to the face.

10/19/08 Busted!

I Wanna Be A Pornstar

A few tit jobs and a little lipo, and then BAM... her vagina will be generating 7 figures annually before you even know it. It'll also be generating a yellowish discharge, depending on the severity of the Herpes and Gonorrhea that she's bound to contract.

10/04/08 Modifications

Drunken Slut Has Hilarious Disaster

First off, this chick is drunk off her ass, and I mean that in a literal sense. She had a gallon of wine.. directly through her asshole. Now I always thought it was fun to poo on the floors of public restrooms, but this lady takes it to an all new level. If you've ever played Command & Conquer, think of her anus as the Ion Cannon.

09/18/08 LULZ

Oh Noes The Condom Broke!

I found this on some website that pays $2,000 for homemade porno. I'm kinda bummed... they rejected all 3 of my personal sextapes, citing that my 2 inch penis wouldn't appeal to general audiences. Ouch!

Bitch You Got A Yeast Infection

This is probably why you don't see that many male performers bragging about their profession... cause they all got warts on their dicks and have to eat out girls like this! Yum yums.

08/04/08 Fail

Pissed Off Crackwhore

She's coked out and on the rag. If that isn't an invitation for AIDS I don't know what is. Luckily this skank got kicked off the set before anyone had a chance to stick their dick in festering pussy hole.

Mean Sluts Ridicule Noob

This video really hits close to home. I too was once ridiculed for bustin my sloppy goo nuts prematurely. My ego was scarred and so was my penis (herpes). Watching this brings it all back. So to the Hispanic slut who was the most vocal during the humiliation: Space Dock, Strawberry Cheesecake, and a Tony Danza. All for you. All at once.

Bosnian Slut Fucks In A Bar

I should probably visit Bosnia. If girls will drop their panties for dirty old scumbags like that over there, I might still have a shot at losing my virginity afterall.

07/11/08 Public

You Suck At Fucking My Wife

This guy propositioned a black man to fuck his wife, hoping to satisfy her desires for a huge cock. The black man gladly agrees but later discovers that fulfilling his role isn't as easy as he had anticipated.

07/04/08 Fail

Hookers Arent Very Political

If all the prostitutes in America turned political, crack would be legalized and sold through vending machines. It's best we keep their faces stuffed with cock.

06/29/08 Amateur

She Cant Have Sex

If she can't fuck, then he can't fuck and that means his balls are probably sky blue just about now. Kidney stones are a bitch.

06/26/08 LULZ

Assholes Harass Ugly Woman

Ehh what do you expect. It's Lake Havasu and she's like 45. She's practically a grandma compared to everyone else there. If she wants to suck dick without getting booed by the crowd she's gonna have to go to a retirement center.

06/24/08 Public

Pathetic Guy Begs Wife For Sex

WOOPS! Correction: pathetic guy begs wife for permission to jack off while filming her nasty asshole... and even at that she is still reluctant. Buddy, you're better off doing what I do - stroke it to yourself in the mirror.

06/14/08 LULZ

Not In My Pooper

Initially she makes it pretty clear that she doesn't want anything in her ass. But our hero Johnny Cock Rocket uses the powers of persuasion and before you know it he's making sweet love to her festering cornhole. Not exactly fap worthy but if you're like me you'll fap anyway.

05/27/08 Amateur

Free Blowjobs At Rap Concert

I'm afraid it would take a lot more than a free blowjob to get me to sit through that shitty ass concert. I'm talkin ass 2 mouth at the very least.

05/02/08 Public

The Troubles Of Making Porn

Apparently getting your dick hard for a hot pornstar isn't as easy as you'd think. I'd probably blow my load before even getting my cock out of my pants.

04/16/08 Fail
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