Goober Tries Not To Cum

Dismantling an 80lb Pornstar

This girl might as well be the Napoleon Dynamite of fetish videos. (read: perfection). Doesn't even need to be penetrated. Just watching life flash before her eyes in between each fault line cracking was enough to keep my Fruit of the Looms soggy.

The Caught Compilation 17

Introducing you to another gaggle of misfits that have managed to find active railroads, public highways and stranger's garages erotic enough to keep the erections at maximum stiffness. Extra points on that last clip, for our hero having enough restraint to not set anyone on fire.

The Most Embarrassing Public Ejaculation Ever

A run of the mill twerking competition is won in an epic land slide when little miss hair extensions makes the guy jizz himself. For her legendary feat Shaquanda is awarded the illustrious title and like fitty bucks.

Mom Goals

Who the fuck comes up with these hybrid fetish flicks? Next time you producers want to get creative, how about coating a machete in Zoloft and fucking Logan Paul up the cornholio until he's smiling like Matt Damon on the cover of Good Will Hunting? Google it.

RE-Redefining Premature Ejaculation

It took 10 years, but we finally have a worthy rival for Tojiro "dribbledick" Akizawa. Technically our American contender lasted longer, but his performance wasn't exactly as well-received lolol

Security Catches Masturbating Cam Whore

A laptop dancing internet stripper takes her fapping to the streets. Only problem is a viewer tipped off building security and her guerrilla sexual tactics are gonna get cut short.

The Undisputed Champ of Premature Ejaculation

What happens when you try to clone Mike Tyson, but the machine takes the eggplant emoji seriously? Sorry, but that specimen needs to be noted here. Was it's purpose to inflict maximum damage, or an aerodynamic choice to reach a new velocity?

A LITTLE TOO REAL

The Punching Bag

I think her first mistake was swiping right inside a Walmart. That kind of risk taking can only translate into one thing: "your 17 inches of combo wieners doesn't phase me, please man up and turn my kidneys into a box of Idaho spud's classic mashed potatoes". Invitation accepted.

It Never Endz

It's mind over colon in the world of extreme anal porn and this busted bitch is a friggin' jedi master. Years of determination, training and butt hole abuse were all worth it to make this magical feat of beauty possible.

Can't Stop the Cumshots

Here it is; A collection of bros that last about as long as I do during a Marvel film released after End Game. Normally these misfits would be thrown into the compost pile and forgotten, but these speedruns need to be seen to be believed.

Ratchet Stripper Goes Mental

She goes by Cocoa, China, or some shit down at the Snake Charmer Gentlemen's Club. She's a nice girl working her way through college and in her off time she enjoys bath salts and Waffle House.