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The Purge

She seems like a nice girl. The type that would throw herself off a post office rooftop if you missed her text, or fuck the mailman's chihuahua if your Instagram pic got 0 likes. But her taste in recreational activities? Shit, I've seen happier faces cleaning toilets at the Renaissance Fair.

1,911,099 views 02/01/19 Fisting

Shoe Box

200,736 views 01/23/19 Insertions

Dick Skin Mask 3

172,641 views 01/03/19 LULZ

No Indecent Exposure Charges For Him

203,900 views 12/28/18

GROUPIE CONFESSIONS

Did Mark McGrath admit to being a pedophile? Did a feminist bassist fist rape a minor? Why is Eve 6 throwing lunch meat at a hooker? Buffalo Billy? IDFK but I killed 50 bucks for this rare VHS on eBay and I have zero regrets.

2,045,933 views 12/26/18 Famous

My Favorite Christmas Tradition

187,299 views 12/25/18 Fisting

My Favorite Christmas Story

198,414 views 12/14/18 WTF

NOTHING is Impossible

Pigs flying, A Manson Family Hanukkah special and clean underwear after all-you-can-eat Chinese food. These are all things I expected to see long before a man that has mastered the art of hands-free ejacs. Next time do it into the palm of a guy named Carlos. It's called the Puerto Rican Panhandle, I invented it.

2,973,856 views 11/26/18 Exhibition

Ultra Alpha

Would Denmark Mafia be so kind as to turn the soundbyte at 0:24 into their next banger? That's the kind of collaboration that can fuel my beat-off sessions all the way into spring. More Woodman HERE and HERE.

3,613,272 views 11/19/18 Woodman Casting X Orgasms

Ultra Beta

This is ridiculous. Not 'haha-ridiculous' like a slab of society identifying as non-binary lesbian toaster strudel. Dude has zero reaction to strangers stuffing his girl like a Walmart ham, and here I am just waiting for David Attenborough's explanation as to why.

4,121,400 views 11/14/18 Cuckold

The Cheaters Compilation

LIFE LESSON #186: If your poker face is weaker than the walls of Alec Baldwin's rectum - stay the fuck out of the side-chick game. Last time I saw this level of angst in a female, I had to translate "yes, nickles are so a currency" into English for a Sudanese hooker. (thx Alexa)

3,352,524 views 11/09/18 Busted!

White Trash Sex CLub

211,271 views 11/07/18 Fail

The Black White Supremacist

Apparently Clayton Bigsby has an extended bloodline we were completely unaware of. Practice what you're about to see here & I promise - those pesky NPC'S will never scream "racism" again.

1,420,312 views 10/29/18 LULZ

Mom Goals

Who the fuck comes up with these hybrid fetish flicks? Next time you producers want to get creative, how about coating a machete in Zoloft and fucking Logan Paul up the cornholio until he's smiling like Matt Damon on the cover of Good Will Hunting? Google it.

3,609,743 views 10/06/18 Parody

Fuckin Jebaited

I'm all for experimentation (specifically in Home Depot's garden accessories section), but for real... like Jerry's Final Thought real: Eventually this behavior is going to end up with a perforated colon the size of Gary Coleman and then it's GAME OVER YEEEEAAHH.

1,948,076 views 10/01/18 WTF

"I CANT, AND I WONT!"

Garth Algar goes to town on her squeeze box, producing some of the most questionable facial expressions I've seen since mark_paul_gosselaar_handjob_kfc.avi. Didn't happen to catch that one? You're missing out... and consequently not restructuring your list of heroes.

1,518,219 views 09/25/18 Camwhores

Master Seducer

203,159 views 09/21/18

The Regret is REAL

From stone cold fox, to Stone Cold Steve Austin. #fap

3,111,484 views 09/18/18 LULZ

Relaxing With A Good Book

199,788 views 09/15/18 Fisting
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