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Time To Retire

I cant even imagine how many jackoff sessions came to a halt after this saggy-assed dinosaur stepped in front of the camera. How the fuck are you supposed to beat off when 50% of the screen is devoted to the puckering balloon knot of a gay porn veteran? Honestly...

04/25/10 Bizarre

Amazing Horse

A live-action tribute to the greatest song/animation of the decade. Addicting as fuck.

04/18/10 LULZ

The Pencil Test

Ouch. As if being born a ginger wasn't bad enough, this Irish Setter has a set of knockers that look a lot like deflated weather balloons.

04/18/10 LULZ

Death By Titties

This is Busty Heart. She's got 40 pound titties that sag to the knees - most likely the product of strategically self-induced elephantitis. Fun bags of this caliber aren't taken lightly. One poor fuck literally croaked after catching a look at her knockers. LOL.

04/01/10 LULZ

32 Ounces Of Pussy

Ever wonder what it would be like if Arby's had an all-you-can-eat buffet? Just toss this bitch a quarter and dive head first into the moutain of vadge. The dining experince would be virtually identical.

03/26/10 Beef Curtains

MOM... FUUUUUUUUU!

This video was submitted with no audio track. Luckly I can read lips with precise accuracy, so I created some textual captions to compensate for the lack of dialogue. Pretty sure I nailed it on the head.

02/18/10 Busted!

Stripped, Beaten & Burned

Don't feel too bad... a.) she committed armed robbery and b.) she looks like Bette Midler. Emphasis on factor #2. Read the full story HERE.

12/18/09 Gallery

Hung Like Bart Simpson

Dildo Baggins here could've saved himself a lot of embarrassment if he just stayed home and stuck to beating off to reruns of Captain Planet. Now he and his 4 inch celery stick have ended up on the world wide web for all to see and laugh at. Live and learn brooo.

11/27/09 FuckTeamFive LULZ

The Blob

He can brag about his 20 pound meat bag all he wants. If it doesn't get hard, then it's about as useful as a black hooker at a blood drive.

11/19/09 WTF

BEEP BEEP! I've Got A Boner

Beating off at home is for pussies. Real men take their meat to the street.

10/25/09 Exhibition

Cunt Head

Yoshinoya lost his Rolex diamond watch up a hooker's fallopian tubes and sets off on a death defying expedition to recover it. Enjoy!

09/30/09 Asians

Titty Destruction

If you're among the minority of men that don't enjoy seeing Japanese women being beaten to tears, it's probably best you skip this one. These fun bags take more abuse than a Mexican pinata on May 5th.

09/21/09 Asians

Pornstar Quits Over Farting Incident

This is a scene from MEATHOLES, which was basically one of the most extreme porn sites on the web back in 2003-ish. It's funny. This girl can handle a fist up her cunt while the cameraman inquires about her childhood, but let one slip in her face and that's where she draws the line.

08/19/09 Meatholes Fail

Shotgun Blast To The Vajayjay

All I can think about is the people who jack off to this shit. I envision a crowd of a thousand Japs in a dimly lit adult theater, simultaneously ejaculating just as the girl's vagina gets blown into oblivion by a point-blank blast from a 12 guage. Enthusiastic high fives, everywhere.

07/07/09 Bizarre

Not Your Typical Pornstar

He's got a viking haircut, a 7.5 inch cock and the pussy-eating skills of a Golden Retriever. The porn industry will never be the same.

06/08/09 Mildly Retarded

Gigantic Genitalia

I'm about to take a hot shower and fap to my Elton John's Greatest Hits CD. I'll type up a video description a bit later, k?

06/04/09 Asians

Orgasm Renders Wife Unconscious

Neat trick but I'm afraid I lack the penis for the job. No worries though, that's where the GHB comes into play. It's all about equal opportunity fellas.

05/13/09 Orgasms

My Bitch Is Kinky

Some pretty good dialogue in this one. A warm thank you to the creator of these videos for letting me post em, eFukt loves you... and your kinky Harley bitch.

04/17/09 LULZ

Oink Oink Suck My Dick

For a minute there, I was actually beginning to lose faith in Japan's ability to consistently create the most fucked up, ridiculous adult films known to man. Then I was introduced to the latest and greatest - 'anamorphic animal porn'. Pure win.

03/30/09 Asians

Cleanup On Orifice Number 1

This is a fetish known as 'cuckold cleanup'. Usually it involves a closet homosexual who gets off on pimpin his wife out to random strangers. Often the husband will sit in the corner and actually videotape as his significant other gets pounded by foreign cock. Once the creampie has been injected, it's like 'all you can eat' night at Red Lobster. Yum yum eat em up.

02/21/09 Cuckold
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