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Orgasm Fail

Preggo girl is in the middle of cumming when her [minute] man declares that the apple sauce is en route for early delivery. She replies with a double "doo eet", which I believe means: "cum inside me so that I can finish my orgasm you twig dick motherfucker". The request didn't seem to catch.

12/08/09 Premature

10 Inches Of Terror

That raspy lookin black bitch's reaction is fuckin PRICELESS!

11/24/09 Exhibition

The Sherminator

Props to the ginger on his pipe laying skills. Honestly haven't heard a woman scream that loud since the time I was caught defecating in front of Blockbuster in protest to late fees accumulated on my rental of The Neverending Story 3 (director's cut). Good times.

11/20/09 Orgasms

The Blob

He can brag about his 20 pound meat bag all he wants. If it doesn't get hard, then it's about as useful as a black hooker at a blood drive.

11/19/09 WTF

Anal Creampie From Hell

It's crazy. On the outside, assholes all look the same. But if your rectum was to ever head south & emerge as a pink-sock... you'd quickly find that much like the butt plugs in Oprah Winfrey's sextoy collection, they come in all shapes, sizes and colors. 4 years of running a porn site and that's about all I've learned.

11/11/09 Prolapse

Salad Tossing 101

HAHA what the fuck! Just listen to this guy. He lured in his enemy with a blowjob and then shanked him. Fucking new age ninja tactics.

09/17/09 LULZ

Orgasm Ruined By Momma

Dudes in the middle of busting a nut when Madea comes a knocking. This is why I jack off with headphones on. Nothing comes between me and glory.

09/02/09 Busted!

The Super Soaker

When it rains... it pours.

08/26/09 Orgasms

Husband Forced To Suck Cock

The forced homosexuality thing is the least of his problems. Just take one look at that haircut.

08/03/09 Cuckold

Hello, I'm Masturbating To You

Who needs porno when you have... fat black bitches in bathing suits? Pretty much everyone but this guy.

07/30/09 Exhibition

Chuck: The Pussy Slayer

For a moment there, it almost looked as though Chucky was gonna disregard her pleas for a cease-fuck and begin to commence rapage. Mr. Pringles said it best - once you pop you cant stop.

07/28/09 LULZ

Big Penises Cause Big Problems

Jesus. His cock is so big it's capable of causing fatal internal damage. I've never been so jealous in my life.

07/15/09 Fail

Orgasm At The Gym

You're supposed to wipe down the machine with a towel before you leave, dickhead.

07/10/09 Public

Orgasm Renders Wife Unconscious

Neat trick but I'm afraid I lack the penis for the job. No worries though, that's where the GHB comes into play. It's all about equal opportunity fellas.

05/13/09 Orgasms

Don't Cum On Me Motherfucker

I wonder what that must feel like... to defend yourself from a physical assault as you're in the middle of ejaculating. I'd sue the bitch - 50k in punitive damages for an orgasm ruined. No one fucks up my fap session and gets away with it for free.

05/08/09 Fail

Racist Porn From The 70's

Complete with a negro version of quasimoto. Warning in advance to my beloved caucasian viewers, black-on-white racism lies within!

05/01/09 Vintage

Guess What She Ate For Lunch

I'll give you a hint - it's a vegetable that shares it's name with an incredibly shitty nu metal band whose fans always wear black nail polish and amazingly have smaller penises than myself (sub 3.75 inches). This is too easy.

03/08/09 LULZ

Let Yo Dick Swang

I wonder how often he accidentally breaks a girls nose doing all that high speed cock slapping? or does that only happen when the bitch stiffs him on his much deserved dollar tip?

02/11/09 Strippers

Your Cock Will Never Be That Big

Luckily I'll never be exposed to such humiliation at the hands of a woman, for in my hometown of Tajikistan it's a criminal offense to mock a man's penis size, punishable by decapitation via serrated butter knife. But that's not to say a woman would ever have any reason to shame my kidney cracker to begin with. Trust me, I put horses to shame.

01/16/09 Amateur
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