Sex On The Beach FAIL

10 of the Most Intense Orgasms Ever

Get ready to endure more than 9 of the craziest and most intense orgasms ever filmed. Orgasms that "feels good on muh dick" and require the use of phrases like "hosed down", "came buckets" and sloots saying "omg" 9001x.

Your ASS is Gonna Learn Today

free tip: Don't be fooled by the "i collect exotic toothpastes and I'm saving my g-spot for Sonic the Hedgehog" appearance. She may appear to be innocent, but this is no sex noob. Despite leaking more soft serve than a birthday party at Carvel, she actually did finish the scene.

Porn Scenes Worthy of an Oscar 5

Volume #5 in a collection of videos that Charlie Sheen would be ashamed to attach his name to. And without even a single appearance from a graduate of the Woodman School of Rectology, that's saying something.

Increase Orgasms While Committing Murder [5 Easy Tips]

Somewhere there's a porn writer that has lost their damned mind.

The Most Talented Homeless Girl in London

Local vagrant takes us on a journey that blurs the line between southern cooking and female independence, as illustrated by a sex act that's led to more infections than a Marilyn Manson concert. Never before has adult entertainment made me prouder of my KFC rewards points.

THAT DIDN'T END WELL

Testing a Sex Robot

For a minute there I was starting to lose faith in degenerate white guy's ability to keep me entertained. Then I was introduced to a fetish with more questions than Sylvester Stallone's medicine cabinet.

The Worst Tits in Porn

Flat-chested girls everywhere rejoice because there's worse things in life than having no tits. You could have weird tits and add implants, leaving you with gigantic weird sideshow tits. And back problems.

Just Japanese Things

An all-minority female cast ultimately leading to me losing faith in life itself? You can go ahead and file this under The 2016 Ghostbusters Reboot of Porn. And Bill Murray can't save you this time.

World's 1st Cum Hating Pornstar

Aim for dry ground and let 'er rip. That's been the formula for centuries... until Krystal "i have standards" Steal showed up. You see, she has more apathy for body fluids than Paula Deen has for low fat potato chippies. Ever wonder what it would be like if KFC had an all-you-can-eat buffet? That's the kind of 'sounds fun but always ends bad' disappointment I'm talking about here.

Invaded, Violated and Victimized

In Pasadena no one can hear you cream. [-song-]

The Education of a Spanish Virgin

Dude's 18, doesn't know what a clitoris is and weighs less than Ally McBeal. But in the land of fuck-4-a-buck, all that really matters is the size of your Churro... and proportionately speaking, this dude's got a fat one. Emphasis on proportions. Looks like a banana glued to a fucking toothpick.