Go Away Bro, I'm Masturbating

My Mom's Sex Addiction

Bootstrapping your pretend family members: Apparently it's the stepping stone for every 40-something female that wants to pursue the world of porn. Most women have enough respect to decline the offer, but mom has a different approach...

IMAGINE CASTING WITH HIM

FORTNUT: A New Level of Cringe

What the fuck happened to April O'neil? It seems a few years ago she entered into some sort of porn studio residency and is being forced to churn out horrendous shit like this at gun point. Today's flavor? One of the few Fortnite players that doesn't have body odor reminiscent of Regal popcorn butter". POGGERS IN CHAT ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

Fucking A Pornstar FAIL

You're laughing? This 18 year old needs more performance enhancing drugs than Mr. Olympia's gold medalist, and you're laughing?

Testicular Anal Insertion

Is it possible to put a man's balls inside of a butt? Why would a human being do such a thing? Is this some strange evolutionary step in coitus? Today we ask the hard hitting questions...for science.

The Caught Compilation 19

Everything in life has a proper explanation if you open your mind. Except the homie trying to scrub daddy his dirty walnut on a Tuesday afternoon in broad daylight around the 1:45 mark. NORAD will hear about this.

Public Degeneracy Volume 12

The last clip is one wild ride, and probably cause for another lockdown Japanese style. Imagine spending weeks convincing your corner store cam girl to accept the blindfolded handicap match, only to watch her get sidelined by a dude that gets cease and desist letters from John Carpenter.

The Caught Compilation 21

Hiking trails? Elevators? Nursing homes? That's right, all of your most unassuming entertainment venues come at a hidden cost. Just a non-related tip of the day: Steer clear from any dipping sauces that have the word tangy in the name near closing time. Trust me.

The Caught Compilation 1

This piece highlights some cases of shoulda locked the fucking door but I'm thinking with my genitals and other hilarious cases of people getting busted.

The Caught Compilation 4

Admittedly these are all pretty standard 'i drank 2 entire Coronas on spring break and had sex with a house plant' plot lines... but dude in the last clip has some explaining to do. Like, this is why I have to wear diapers at 27-years-old kind of explaining.

The Giggliest Girl in Porn Returns

What weighs 95 pounds, likes the look of cock, and gets messy at the Arizona glory hole? Yeah, that chick. Personally she annoys me to death, but some of you fukr's can't get enough.

Proof that Money Can Buy ANYTHING

There's just no hiding from your past once you pull the trigger on something like this. Their Ross Store wardrobes will be forever stained. The regret can't be washed off. And the $27 paycheck isn't enough to drink the memories away. #crankthattherapist