Noob's first and final attempt at porn stardom lands him in a gang bang shoot. He doesn't care, he thinks he's ready for anything... but nothing can prepare you to be a premature ejaculator's innocent bystander. PEW PEW
When it's a girl's first time doing hardcore porn and she's too nervous on camera to put two syllables together, you get what I imagine to be the closest experience to fucking a corpse you can have without taking a trip to the morgue. Luckily the awkwardness only makes me harder.
Turns out fertilizing your own family tree isn't the only extra curricular activity people practice in Frogballs, Arkansas. Just don't be misled by The Rat King's lack of hygiene; Your respect for the modern day alpha male begins here and now.
Found this gem in the Italian film "Capodanno in Casa Curiello", which roughly translates to "New Years at Grandpa's House". Think combining the gothic undertones of The Adam's Family with the threatening erections of Boogie Nights wouldn't work? You thought wrong faggit.
Go ahead and label this the blurring of lines between equality in the work place and PTSD, as illustrated by sex acts that have led more adult diaper sales than In n' Out's Animal Style. Never before has adult entertainment made me prouder of my cataclysmic cache of Walmart rewards points.
If any of you ever want to launch one of those "Top 10 Ways to Make a Girl Break up With You" kind of blogs, make sure some of these specimens are on the list. Somewhere in between Fortnite themed flip flops, and listening to Ed Sheeran.
It's almost like as time passes, society has less than a fuck to give about where they burn the midnight salami. Reminds me of the time I was almost caught defecating in a Blockbuster return box in protest to late fees accumulated on Surf Ninjas. [my balance remains due]
goon cave [plural goon caves] [Internet slang] An area or room dedicated to long masturbation sessions ["gooning"], often featuring a multi-monitor setup showing multiple pornographic contents simultaneously. That's what Wikipedia tells you. What it doesn't tell you is some of these level 5 knuckle busting crotch goblins will bulldoze their entire savings account just to "expand their caves". So why are Americans singled out in the title? Because after being assaulted by over 500 photos of these demons, I noticed something; Not 1 Asian, Black, Hispanic or Alaskan Eskimo penis could be identified. Meaning this is yet another one of those spirited hobbies cultivated by the west. Feel free to sandwich it between 40 piece McNuggets and The Kardashians. [SOURCE #1] [SOURCE #2]
Introducing one of the most ridiculous porn scenes I have ever seen. A man gains the power to make anyone into a magical submissive sex slave and he uses it on his mother and sister. What in the actual fuck?
Girls this determined to finish are hard to find without an Olympian background, so consider yourself lucky. Both for getting to bear witness to this unstoppable force, and for not having to be the one to explain the beef bourguignon shit stains on mom's new comforter.
Much like Labubu popularity, one has to question why half of this bullshit even exists in the first place. Emphasis on the 1:20 mark, which somehow still hasn't gotten a Crisco sponsorship . Simply brilliant. [more]
