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Shy, Scared & Fucking Beautiful

Hot chicks + social anxiety. It's a phenomenal combination, second only to Mr. Pibb w/ Koala Yummies. Add a degree of sexual inexperience into the mix and you got yourself GF material, provided that they don't first end up in porn like this tard.

10/04/12 Favorites

Bro Shits Himself After Knocking Girl Out

panic; pan·ic1; noun; sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behavior.

04/26/12 Brazzers Fail

YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG

Here's some wisdom I picked up while watching an infomercial for Tony Little's Gazelle Sprintmaster - always maintain good form. Sloppy form is how people get Christopher Reeve'ed. Don't think the same is applicable to sucking dick? Neither did she.

03/15/12 EvilAngel Fail

Lonely Arab REALLY Wants Free Head

Working the graveyard shift usually sucks Golden Retriever dick, but it's not entirely absent of perks. During my tenure at the 24 hour Rite Aid, I enjoyed a 10% increase in pay and unadulterated access to the ice cream station. But as for complimentary blowjobs from tresspassing prostitutes... that one's all up to this smooth talking Apu.

02/19/12 LULZ

Turtling While 69'ing LOLOLOL

Pug-faced Hispanic drinks herself so numb she doesn't even notice when last night's chimichanga is hanging halfway out her asshole. Her laugh is as bad as her hygiene. Sounds like something Steven Urkel would emit while making love to the dude from Wonder Years. Watch this one all the way through.

02/02/12 Fail

Not Even A Minute Man

7 inch cock? Check. Syphilis free? Probably. Can make a girl cum? Not a fucking chance. Have yourself a hearty LOL as Jose's porn dreams go down the shitter faster than Steven Segal's music career.

Goober Finally Loses Bukkake Virginity

Over 40 bukkake shoots and the closest this dude's come to delivering a facial was the time he soiled himself in a dark corner. But today's a game changer. Via the aid of a compassionate fluffer, this orange-haired bastard finally gets a legitimate taste of manhood.

From HOT To CREEPY In 5 Seconds

I once heard a male performer mutter "my grandma gives better head than you, suck me better or i'll pour drano down your cunt". That used to rank pretty high on my personal list of random-as-fuck-porno-dialogue. Then I saw this.

This Is Bad... Very Very Bad

I like how she gets a little self conscious towards the end and uses her arm to cover up, effectively sheilding dozens of innocent bystanders from her own monstrosity. Courteous, insecure and 6% Elephant Man. God bless you.

11/09/11 Bizarre

Double Fist = Instant Orgasm

A coworker at Del Taco once told me that she uses a thick butternut squash to pleasure herself. She said the feeling of her fiesta bowl being stretched to max ocupado made her cum instantaneously. Is that what's going on here? Sure looks like it.

10/04/11 Orgasms

Good Idea, Bad Idea

This one's a crowd pleaser. Not only get to see a massive-titted pornstar unwittingly suck a shit covered wang ... but you also to get hear three seconds of my real voice. Boner inducement on all fronts.

08/29/11 Fail

How To Fuck Like White Trash

Early model Dodge Caravan and intermediate family member not required. Just find yourself an open stretch of highway, enable cruise control, have the female shimmy on over and let the greasing of your piston begin.

07/23/11 Busted!

Hooker Accidentally Craps Herself

CHAIN REACTION: she gives a shitty blowjob > he retaliates by ejaculating in her mouth, (big no-no) > unexpected putrid jizz causes her to gag uncontrollably > heavy coughing puts pressure on already loose anus > splat, a Hershey Kiss is born. Similar video HERE.

Hobo Outwits Prostitute [CLASSIC]

Hobo Jones coughs up 5 singles for a back alley knob-slob. Takes all but 23 seconds to reach climax, at which point he immediately helps himself to a full refund by forcefully robbing her and running for dear life... leaving her in the dust with a mouthful of bum cum! Instant classic.

06/11/11 Hookers

LOL: She Rather Fuck A Horse!

Aspiring whore confesses to beastial relations with family pets and a lingering desire to suck off Mr. Ed, but when the idea of sleeping with a black man is proposed.. she balks! LOL @ Max Hardcore's random cameo, criticizing her weight and declaring her unfit for a golden shower.

05/24/11 LULZ

Smegma Makes Her Gag

Tojo trades his neighbor a weeks worth of cup-o-noodles in exchange for a sensuous dicksuck. Here's the kicker: Tojo has the hygiene of Forest Whitaker's asshole. Dude simply does not shower. The end result is enough dick cheese to feed half of Mumbai.

Porn Noob Pwns Himself

Big fat curved penis sends a fresh wad of home cooked Twinky filling right back into the face of it's creator. It's not a problem I expect to incur any time soon but I do retain faith in the bottle of Extenze my sister so kindly purchased me last xmas. Similar videos HERE & HERE.

04/19/11 Fail

Obnoxious Girl Is Obnoxious

She's drunk, high and/or possibly retarded... all of which adequately explain why she's fucking a dude that has less hair than Mr. Magoo and singing along to shitty techo beats. The real question is... who's dick did she have to suck for that badassical Santa Clause skirt? I dig it.

03/29/11 WTF

Mission Impossible: Dont Cum

Goofy motherfucker works feverishly to prevent his pudding pop from premature eruption, and seemingly succeeds thanks to a few self inflicted cock slaps and more breaks than a Mexican landscaper.

02/14/11 Premature

Being A Maid Sucks More Than You Know

Remember Exhibitionist Fail? Seems that dude just cant keep his mouth off the rubber cock. Here he is once again traumatizing the fuck out of some migrant workers. Watch all the way through. The last clip is fucking golden.

01/09/11 Exhibition
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