Some women require foreplay to get off. Others, Little Caesars 5 for $5.00. And then there's Jessica Carrboro aka The Crotch Vampire, who takes no less than a scoop of organic strawberry swirl to get moist. I say this with complete sincerity: You're not ready for her.
Nothing spells H-I-G-H M-A-I-N-T-E-N-A-N-C-E like a lady refusing a gift. TEH FACTS: They'll never look at a 2-Liter the same again, tolerance is non-negotiable and getting them to do a sequel? Well... that's about as likely as Lebron James growing a hairline.
Perhaps 'audible' is the wrong word to use here, as it suggests this misfit anticipated the scene going any other possible way. She didn't. Trust me. I've been inside a Walmart parking lot on a Friday night - I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like this has some deeper meaning than a porn parody of the exorcist. I just awed at it like it was a Salvador Dali painting or some shit, trying to figure out how my existence had brought me to this point.
AKA "how to ruin your reputation on a global scale." Usually it's a good thing if everyone gets laid at a party... but not when they all fucked the same chubby std collector.
He may be smaller than a pineapple, but this little guy is huge in Japan right now. His name Koheynishi, he's 23 and he shoots, directs and even stars in his own line of JAV titles.
A teenager down on her luck turns to porn for some quick cash to get back on her feet, but what follows is one of the worst porn spectacles I've ever seen.
Another edition of ratchet sex tape fails featuring hood rat stuff like fire alarms with dying batteries, one lopsided illegal butt implant and other ghetto stuff.
If you get aroused to non-consentual incest porn, you probably shouldn't tell anyone because you have a serious personality disorder and you probably come off weird already and have no idea.
Five possibly boner killing clips from otherwise decent porn scenes. Featuring a magic penis that gives a girl the ability to communicate with water mammals as well as an unconscious teenager and another that cries.
Watch as emo Helga Pataki dirty talks Jimmy Noodle Legs during a hot coitus session. Turns out Jenny from Forest Gump isn't the only suicidal slut down for banging immobilized mental midgets.
Another edition of "anal goes wrong", featuring the perforation of a fuckable milf's blown out colon. The city of love probably hasn't seen this much blood since someone made some cartoons last year.
A near senile senior citizen has the best day of his life at the expense of aspiring pornstar "Jane Doe", who realizes somewhere after the 2:00 mark, that porn just isn't for her and was never seen again.
Inside an abandoned and/or bombed out building, Alfredo, the HIV immune crackwhore whisperer, has negotiated some condomless butt sex from the neighborhoods most ratchet cum dumpster.
