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Pornstar Refuses To Do ATM

Sounds like a violation of a contractual agreement if you ask me. See ya on Judge Judy bitch.

05/16/09 Fail

Racist Porn From The 70's

Complete with a negro version of quasimoto. Warning in advance to my beloved caucasian viewers, black-on-white racism lies within!

05/01/09 Vintage

Tits From Hell

God does not love you.

04/29/09

Help! My Boobs Are Too Big!

She basically paid over $10,000 just to have her titties butchered. What kind of sick, fucked up world is this?

04/14/09 Modifications

Pornstars Say The Darndest Things

"You don't deserve my cock... you don't even deserve a bulldog's cock. All you deserve is your own stinking shit, so get down and suck it off my prick" .... turn the volume up for this one boys. Waaay up.

04/04/09 LULZ

Oink Oink Suck My Dick

For a minute there, I was actually beginning to lose faith in Japan's ability to consistently create the most fucked up, ridiculous adult films known to man. Then I was introduced to the latest and greatest - 'anamorphic animal porn'. Pure win.

03/30/09 Asians

Elf Titties

75% boob, 25% nipple. I dig it.

03/24/09

Prisoners Of Whore

The storylines on these Japanese pornos are really hard to follow. I vote less plot and more eels.

03/10/09 Asians

Butthole Obliteration

If Twitter was popular in 2009, a social media campaign could have made this a serious case for Depends Undergarment's first official sponsor of an amateur porn video. I consider it a lost opportunity really.

02/25/09 Painal

Zombie Tits

I suppose titty fucking is out of the question?

02/10/09

Ouch! My Cock!

Looks like women aren't the only ones to suffer injuries on the sets of porno shoots. Professional taco stuffers have a few occupational hazards of their own. I suppose that as long rectal prolapses aren't on that list, being a stunt cock is still my dream job.

02/04/09 Kink.com Fail

Your Cock Will Never Be That Big

Luckily I'll never be exposed to such humiliation at the hands of a woman, for in my hometown of Tajikistan it's a criminal offense to mock a man's penis size, punishable by decapitation via serrated butter knife. But that's not to say a woman would ever have any reason to shame my kidney cracker to begin with. Trust me, I put horses to shame.

01/16/09 Amateur

2 Inch Penis

Nice trim job! It almost looks half an inch bigger shaved.

01/03/09

The Dumbest Sex Device Ever Built

That doesn't even look too fun. Her tits look like tomatoes on the verge of exploding. I never realized breasts were so durable. Not only do they come in handy for whatever the fuck you'd call this shit, but they also serve as excellent punching bags. They're multipurpose, unlike my penis.

12/28/08 Bizarre

Who Needs Big Tits?

Perhaps she doesn't. But what she does need is a paper bag. Guess where I want her to put it?

12/18/08

Pornstar Nearly Impales Herself

Mullet girl doesn't seem to realize that a dildo this large is likely to cause internal bleeding. Had it actually penetrated her vagina - she'd go down in medical history as the first gynecology patient to have no need for a speculum.

12/17/08 Insertions

Mr. Holland's Opus

Never saw the movie but the title is the very first thing that comes to mind everytime I see a gaping vagina. Not sure why.

12/15/08

He's Not Exactly Pornstar Material

I love how he franctically jacks off even after he's already blown his load, maybe hoping to milk out one last squirt of man-goo and actually land it on her face? No such luck for this fatty arbuckle. I'll tell you though, I'm definitely diggin his torn up thong.

12/13/08 LULZ

Homeless Hooker

I found this in an article about homeless women who work out of portable toilets as prostitutes. Can you imagine actually paying this beast to suck your dick in that thing? The heavy smell of shit/hiv would be enough to cause me respiratory failure.

12/11/08

Amputee Porn Gone Bad

All the things that made amputee porn so great just got shitted on by whoever made this so called 'erotic film'. Amputee porn is about disabled, submissive (and usually defenseless) women being fucked by men with exceedingly large penises. I refuse to have it any other way.

12/10/08 Amputee
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