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Stop Trying To Fuck Me

Usually when the girl flops around like a fish it means she's having a pretty intense orgasm and needs a quick time out. Dildo baggins here didn't get the memo.

11/23/08 Orgasms

Maniac Attacks 2 Lesbian Sisters

This is from the 1976 classic Water Power. It's a lot like Taxi Driver, except this Travis Bickle has a little fetish for forcing woman into doing enemas at gun point. The film is actually based on real crimes committed by an Illinois man dubbed the "Enema Bandit". Anyway he's dead now, so R.I.P you scat-loving motherfucker.

11/22/08 Vintage

Cleaning Has Never Been More Fun

Fuck, that's a hell of a way to mop a floor. It's inspiring really. So how exactly would one apply this kind of creativity to cleaning up their bathroom? I've got shit stains on my toilet dating back from 1997 and the only way I'm gonna get off my ass and do something about it is if it involves a naked woman.

11/03/08 Bizarre

Go Away Bro, I'm Masturbating

This is why I carry a 12oz bottle of my mace in my center console. Rest stops are great for quick 'on the road' jackoff sessions but they're almost always laden with dirty old men looking to score free peep shows. If they want to see me make love to myself, they gotta pay... otherwise it's mace to the face.

10/19/08 Busted!

No Bitch I Aint Eating Your Pussy

She tries to blame the fowl taste on the lube but that doesn't really explain the cheese whiz dripping out of her pussy. Douche with hydrogen peroxide + Mentos and get on with the show.

10/11/08 Fail

Butthole Damaged After Anal Sex

Here's yet another video of a woman suffering from bodily damage after granting a large cock permission to penetrate her brown eye. To be honest, I think this one is a tranny but that's besides the point. I want to know where those 2 giant raisins dangling from her asshole came from?

10/09/08 Anal

Good Porn Ruined By Shitty Music

It's a porno, not a damn fitness video. Stop adding in the shitty keyboard-generated dance music.

10/06/08 LULZ

I Wanna Be A Pornstar

A few tit jobs and a little lipo, and then BAM... her vagina will be generating 7 figures annually before you even know it. It'll also be generating a yellowish discharge, depending on the severity of the Herpes and Gonorrhea that she's bound to contract.

10/04/08 Modifications

Chef Boyardee Jizzes Upon Contact

Poor bastard, he's the real life version of the premature ejaculator from American Pie. I'd like to see him masturbate. All he has to do is poke his cock with his index finger and it's a done deal.

09/25/08 Premature

Nudist Has A Vaginal Problem

It's typical really. Nudists are all about being natural... leave the genitals exposed, armpits unshaven and when you've got a yeast infection... you let it rain.

09/24/08 Bizarre

Tricked Into Having Gay Sex

Moral of the story: always be able to identify the person sucking your cock, unless you're totally cool with putting your sexuality in harms way. Some risks just aren't worth taking. See more guys tricked into being gay homosexuals on the BAIT BUS.

09/23/08 Bait Bus Gloryhole

Black Cock Causes Bodily Damage

Not quite a prolapse but it might as well be. Her asshole looks a slice of damaged grapefruit and her vagina... hmmm... I'm gonna go with a cut of ahi tuna - burnt on the edges, raw in the center. Updating this site always makes me hungry.

09/20/08 Asians

Youre Doing It Wrong

Wrong hole? No not quite. More like wrong fucking direction. His cock nearly pierces through the piece of skin seperating her ass from her pussy. Remember the 'chestburster' scene from Alien? Just watch...

09/15/08 Bizarre

She Cums Nine Times

The dude sounds Popeye the Sailorman and his old lady squirts cum like a water fountain. They were born for eFukt. Thanks goes to Rod for the video.

08/28/08 Orgasms

Oh Noes The Condom Broke!

I found this on some website that pays $2,000 for homemade porno. I'm kinda bummed... they rejected all 3 of my personal sextapes, citing that my 2 inch penis wouldn't appeal to general audiences. Ouch!

Pornstar Ruins Her Boob Job

Silicone is gonna start leaking out her nipples and in 3 days she'll be back to an A cup. I think that makes this the cheapest breast reduction surgery ever.

08/19/08 Fail

They LOL At His 1 Inch Penis

This video mad me LOL hard.

08/15/08 LULZ

Newbie Ruins A Porno Shoot

This guy genuinely thought that eating your own semen was socially acceptable. In France, yeah maybe. But in the rest of the world, no, people tend to frown upon the act of ingesting your own cum. Sorry!

Bitch You Got A Yeast Infection

This is probably why you don't see that many male performers bragging about their profession... cause they all got warts on their dicks and have to eat out girls like this! Yum yums.

08/04/08 Fail

A Good Reason Not To Do Anal

I know I know, all I ever do is boast about the greatness of anal sex. But we must not disregard a major downside to packing fudge - and that would be the fact that getting shit all over your cock is inevitable.

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