Cute Face, Ugly Vagina

The Only Olympics I'm Watching in 2024

I wasn't intending on the ambiguous crossover of Tokyo and The Kentucky Derby to make my boner list... yet here we are.

Homo Attempts Straight Porn

Steven Daigle is the gay dude that got kicked off "Big Brother 10" and went on to fucking dudes on video for a job. Except for this scene, where he hilariously has an epic hetero pornstar threesome.

How To Fail in Porn [x2+]

A hilarious short story about the prettiest ogre girl from the little village of Mordor... She was looking for her big break but instead she was left with only $250, a butt load of pain and a mouth full of grossness. Me gusta?

THAT DIDN'T END WELL

Incest Porn Finally Goes too Far

Overzealous producer does the unthinkable: Asks his lead actress to inhale a blob of her own mother's farm-fresh protein. But instead of saving a minisecule amount of self-respect for her own golden years, she chows down like the Amazon gift card they paid her with was worth it. #HUMILIATION

18 Year Old Suffers O-Ring Blowout

Don't worry, in a few days she'll be sitting and shitting normally. Just gotta put some icy-hot on her hurt butt and eat a lot of fiber. No worries.

i aM vErY iNteLLiGeNt

Tori Spelling's Guatemalan tit job, the hole in a Walmart bathroom stall and discounted Hamburger Helper on Craigslist: Three things I'd touch before signing up for story time from Rebel "my brain is bigger than my butthole" Lynn ever fucking again.

He Only Has One Rule

Dude looks like he walked into a tattoo parlor and said "yes". Luckily he's hung like a brontosaurus to round out these constructive life decisions. Not sure I was expecting that twist at the end though. Kinda reinforcing the whole don't judge a book by it's cover thing, aren't we?

The Absurdity Of Japanese Pornography 2

Porn studio treats girl's asshole like a pokeball. Because in Japan, the more psychotic the idea, the better porn it makes. All while censoring the genitals... Cuz ya know, actual sex is just vulgar.

Prostitute Daughter with Vaginalitis

This little gem won several local awards in Yugoslavia for most realistic plot, best dialogue, and even most influential male and female role model.

Japanese Porn Is FUCKING CRAZY

You know you're in the golden age of porn when someone consults Michael Bay for their scene. Too bad the novelty of implied homicide wears off pretty quick when you have to multitask cumshots with Die Hard 1.

Return of the Cum Master

The Spider-man of rope slinging is back and setting records Guinness refuses to recognize for some reason. Something about prosthetic nutsacs and bannable material. Well... he's legit and I have the research to prove it. [PART I]