The Tallahassee Crab Trap

2,697,395 views

Consider this the advanced users only section of the Internet. And nothing spells T-A-C-T-I-C-A-L A-D-V-A-N-T-A-G-E quite like a woman that could literally use a Volkswagen Golf as a dildo. If you're not into safe spaces being invaded... this one isn't for you.

Related Videos

Can't Stop the Cumshots 2

idk what these goofballs were thinking when they decided going public with these acts of treason was a good idea. Something about the return on investment seems a little fucky. Possibly a decision sponsored and brought to you by [Prime™] Energy drinks. [-PART 1-]

1,934,437 views 08/03/23 Premature

Shit Pornstars Say 3

I don't know which ANTIFA rally that last girl ditched to shoot this scene, but her hygiene makes about as much sense as the 43,000 volts she pretends are running through her labia every time a guy named Ranjeete slaps down 50 Rupees on her "PubLiC cUmShOWs" ala Chaturbate.

1,620,256 views 09/11/20 Shit Pornstars Say

Breakdown BEFORE The Anal?

We're about to document the dream of a girl that's had more sexual partners than Tom Brady's 2022 passing yards, or create the gentleman's guide to recreational pharmaceutical use. Either way: NO REFUNDS.

1,697,689 views 01/23/23 Backroom Casting Couch Breakdowns

Sasha Grey is a Racist

Not the first time I've seen a girl that got me through those awkward high school years trying to erase her past, but it might be the most indisputable. Silly goose, you can't just replace us with Twitch simps and expect us to forget lol

2,335,353 views 10/07/20 Amateur

This Doesnt Make You Good At Sex

Not since the 2005 release of 1 Night In Chyna have I seen a woman with such a fucked up misunderstanding of eroticism. She grunts like pirate with stage 4 throat cancer, pisses all over the place, and has a finishing act that'll assfuck your brain cells.

5,057,247 views 03/19/12 Hotchicksperfecttits LULZ

Your ASS is Gonna Learn Today

free tip: Don't be fooled by the "i collect exotic toothpastes and I'm saving my g-spot for Sonic the Hedgehog" appearance. She may appear to be innocent, but this is no sex noob. Despite leaking more soft serve than a birthday party at Carvel, she actually did finish the scene.

2,273,698 views 03/31/22 Woodman Casting X Loose

Lobster Versus Girl

If the 1980's taught me something, it's that ANYthing goes as long as there's a killer soundtrack behind you. Except this. Not even the renaissance of crack will be held liable for this shit.

1,478,811 views 11/02/17 Vintage

The Most Talented Girl In Russia

Moscow drug mule gets into a personal world war with her own rectum, most likely the result of an all kholodets diet (look it up). Jiggy Saw himself once said: "When there's that much poison in your blood, the only thing left to do, is shoot yourself." In other words; She attempted to no-scope and succeeded beautifully.

562,660 views 01/11/24 Loose

The Girlfriend Experience

And by experience, I mean one man blowing up his beer money on the kind of sexual endeavor that would shell shock a Vietnam war veteran. Speaking of blowing up: The only thing missing from that slaughter house between her legs is someone in the background screaming wUrLstAr and Floyd Mayweather coming out of retirement to fight it.

2,080,866 views 11/18/20 Horror Porn Loose

18 YEAR OLD ASS DEMOLISHED

1,893 views 05/05/24

The Biggest Cuck on Earth Part 1

Don't let the dollar store Botox and short circuiting while trying to multiply 2 numbers together fool you: This 1-wife circus act has paved a new way for women across the the globe. Such as illustrated by her conservative body count of 5-fucking-THOUSAND dicks entering her grease trap, sometimes without as much as a Summer's Breeze minge-rinse in-between victims. Make sure you watch Part 2.

2,795,781 views 08/18/20 Cuckold

Permission to Destroy

Lexi Grey has a long list of do's and a virtually non-existent list of do-nots. Now somebody get this future hall of famer the urban dictionary definition of Alabama Hot Pocket ASAP so we can fight over who gets to marry her first.

1,745,955 views 02/21/22 Hoby Buchanon Loose
Type ? for random video