The one time Japan decides to not censor the genitals... they cast a girl with a Saarlac for a twat. Didn't see Return of the Jedi? Here's an alternative metaphor: Imagine Gene Simmons face, mouth ajar and tongue extended, reincarnated as Yoko Ono's twat. That ought to do it.
Admittedly these are all pretty standard 'i drank 2 entire Coronas on spring break and had sex with a house plant' plot lines... but dude in the last clip has some explaining to do. Like, this is why I have to wear diapers at 27-years-old kind of explaining.
Leaking classified information? Mumbling incoherent rants about setting third world countries on fire? Shit, even International Dick Cricket Infestation would have appeared on my list sooner than 1 Tinder gremlin subjecting herself to 31 separate 8-man gangbangs in the fucking barracks. Yet... here we are.
Zero evidence of her chromosome count, but judging by this performance it's safe to say we're working with a surplus here. Not exactly a stark contrast for this website, but next time I want a female performance to leave me softer than a bowl of cotton candy I'll just turn on Impact Wrestling.
2004: Facebook launches for the first time, Ashlee Simpson jigged her way into irrelevancy and this jovial mother fucker was using his power of aspergers to give second stringers a reason to show up on set. Half girth, half Pokemon.
Here it is: Martin Scorsese of Japanese what are you doing step-bro? porn. My thoughts? Guillermo del Toro and his production company have some catching up to do. I don't know wtf I just watched but personally, I think he should find a way to cast the Olsen twins in the sequel and let the tapioca fly.
A dozen volumes and all we can learn is a two-pack of Coors Light gives the confidence one needs to perform like a deranged circus animal. But today? That education is free. Practice what you see here and I promise them size 14 Bumble girls will never "lmao" at you again. More: [-1-] [-2-] [-3-] [-4-] [-5-] [-6-] [-7-] [-8-] [-9-] [-10-] [-11-]
Perhaps this can be classified as "small wiener compensation". It happens when homebois packing less meat than a vegetarian BBQ get discouraged by their girl's complete lack of excitement. Building a device that scalps your crotch is optional. Oh... you'll see.
Little engines that just fucking couldn't. If there was a "Special Olympics" for sexual performance, these guys would still be the underdogs of the league.
Nothing gets an appointment with the clinic booked faster than going skin on skin with east Asia's most notorious time bender. So here's 4 minutes worth. That's right, four. As in the number of Abreva pills she'll need to take per day for the rest of her life after becoming a victim to Venkman's ectoplasm.
One country's quest for sexual satisfaction reaches it's peak, courtesy of a build-a-bear workshop for egg-drop rice boxes. It's hard to turn a blind eye to this actually being possible in 2020, but make sure this technology never makes it's way to Florida and you got yourself an investor.
I'm not totally convinced that all these girls have reached stardom. Also, I think Tabitha Stevens now qualifies for senior benefits, and one girl looks homeless, but whatever.
