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One Pump Chump

Technically 3 pumps but who's counting. Anyway I strongly reject the stigma surrounding premature ejaculation. What do you stand to gain by lasting longer? The sooner you're done, the sooner you can go to fridge and eat leftovers. That's what I do.

06/14/08 Premature

Pathetic Guy Begs Wife For Sex

WOOPS! Correction: pathetic guy begs wife for permission to jack off while filming her nasty asshole... and even at that she is still reluctant. Buddy, you're better off doing what I do - stroke it to yourself in the mirror.

06/14/08 LULZ

How To Become A Pornstar

Careful! Rough sex is now the standard in the adult industry. A lengthy career in porn will cost you a prolapsed rectum, torn vagina and a shitload of STD's. I'd stick to becoming a doctor if I was you.

06/06/08 Parody

Kung Fu Slut

Today I leanred that a well placed karate chop to the vaginal section can render your opponent paralyzed, giving you ample opportunity to penetrate her most tender regions.

06/05/08 Fights

Extraterrestrial Orgy

I decided to post that last bit of the ET sextape. Elliot is probably fapping to this right now, I know I am. See more alien porn HERE and HERE.

06/04/08 Parody

Unwanted Threesome

When this black guy was propositioned to fuck another mans wife, I don't think he knew that the husband himself planned on joining in. Pay close attention to the black dudes expression at the 30 second mark. He don't look too comfortable!

05/29/08 LULZ

Not In My Pooper

Initially she makes it pretty clear that she doesn't want anything in her ass. But our hero Johnny Cock Rocket uses the powers of persuasion and before you know it he's making sweet love to her festering cornhole. Not exactly fap worthy but if you're like me you'll fap anyway.

05/27/08 Amateur

He Cums In 5 Seconds Flat

His girlfriend doesn't sound too happy about his poor performance between her legs. They have anesthetic creams that work wonders for premature ejaculation. I'd say buy some.

05/20/08 Premature

It Wont Go Any Deeper

Alright so last night I was on that Ask Alice site or some shit and it says the average vagina is only 6 inches deep. So I'm dying to know how the fuck does this guy fit a 2 foot balloon in his wifes pussy?

05/19/08 Insertions

Light Bulb Pussy

This is probably the most dangerous insertion I've seen yet. If her pussy was just a bit tighter, the pressure would've caused the bulb to shatter and the glass would've shredded her vagina to shit. Yikes!

05/17/08 Insertions

Kicked While Masturbating

This woman comes up with the genius idea to masturbate under a horse. But the horse isn't cool with that so it kicks her in the back and tells her to GTFO.

05/13/08 Fail

Sex With A Cannibal

That's right, this chick flies to Africa and fucks a member of a cannibalistic tribe. Fake? Probably, although those AK-47's look relatively real. The amount of effort the Japanese put into their pornos never fails to amaze me.

05/12/08 Asians

Hotdog Down A Hallway

There's enough room in there for my penis, your penis and 3 black men's penises. Definitely not my favorite combination but hey, it fits.

05/08/08 Insertions

How To Eat Pussy

Fuck, I remember downloading this video off of Napster back in 1999. It taught me the pussy eating skills that I have today and is directly responsible for dozens of sexually satisfied BBW's worldwide.

05/06/08 Orgasms

Porn Slut Is Fed Up

They should use super soakers to deliver the cumshots instead. You could hit a slut right between the eyes from a good 15 feet away.

05/05/08 Fail

It Wont Fit

No matter how hard he tries, his cock just wont fit in her ass. Just do what I do, use full force and if you hear a shriek then you know you're in.

05/04/08 Amateur

22 Year Old Loses His Virginity

He's 22 and still a virgin so his father put all his pennies together and bought his son a hooker for his birthday... a present weighing in at 200 pounds.

05/03/08 Virgins

Free Blowjobs At Rap Concert

I'm afraid it would take a lot more than a free blowjob to get me to sit through that shitty ass concert. I'm talkin ass 2 mouth at the very least.

05/02/08 Public

Bro Your Dick Is Broken

That's a pretty cool magic trick. I would imagine pissing isn't very fun though, probablly soils his pants every time he makes a trip to the bathroom.

04/27/08 Bizarre
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