Russian bitch spazzes the fuck out for no apparent reason and then tries to claim she was just "acting." Yep, no better way to enhance a porn scene than by acting like a demonic crackwhore with Tourette syndrome.
This video was submitted with no audio track. Luckly I can read lips with precise accuracy, so I created some textual captions to compensate for the lack of dialogue. Pretty sure I nailed it on the head.
Chester's awfully eager to do some butt fuckin but fears his wanky might come out lookin like a Snickers bar [bitesize of course]. Luckily this Jap has access to cutting edge medical technology - a Feces Detector 3000. Kinda gross, but I find his dedication to 'safe sex' rather admirable.
What was once a sniper rifle is now a snubnose magnum. How'd that happen? Lemme guess... something involving farm animals and strategically placed peanut butter? It happens to the best of us.
Dildo Baggins here could've saved himself a lot of embarrassment if he just stayed home and stuck to beating off to reruns of Captain Planet. Now he and his 4 inch celery stick have ended up on the world wide web for all to see and laugh at. Live and learn brooo.
Failure to achieve erection OR premature ejaculation. Those are the top 2 problems most men face when trying to perform on camera. It's usually one or the other... but in this chumps case - 2 birds are killed with 1 very tiny stone.
I posted this awhile back but the clip was ruined by god awful Mexican music. Luckily an alternative version has now surfaced. Less Ricky Martin. More cries of pain.
I decided to reuse the sound bite from yesterday's clip. Who would've thought Robert Deniro's voice could so perfectly complete a video of a man retracting his nut sack to and fro? I know I know, it's amazing.
She rather suck off a fuckin golden retriever than take it up the butt. No joke. They even have an in depth conversation about dog cock just prior to the cumshot finale. Nothing like a little steamy dialogue to keep your noodle hard, right?
If you're among the minority of men that don't enjoy seeing Japanese women being beaten to tears, it's probably best you skip this one. These fun bags take more abuse than a Mexican pinata on May 5th.
This is a scene from some stupid French porno called The Image. Stars that old bitch from 101 Dalmations as some sort of empowered cunt that likes to dominate. Kinda funny but not really my cup of tea. I was raised on the notion that degradation is a man's job.
Snowballing? Fuck that. I'd rather toss my girlfriend's salad directly after shitting out 2 pounds of kung pao chicken than be orally introduced to my own man jam. Too many calories bro.
No one said you had to like it baby. Just sit back, open wide and think about all the Baja Chalupas you'll be able to buy as soon as you're done. That's what gets me through the day.
