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Pornstars Say The Darndest Things

"You don't deserve my cock... you don't even deserve a bulldog's cock. All you deserve is your own stinking shit, so get down and suck it off my prick" .... turn the volume up for this one boys. Waaay up.

04/04/09 LULZ

Oink Oink Suck My Dick

For a minute there, I was actually beginning to lose faith in Japan's ability to consistently create the most fucked up, ridiculous adult films known to man. Then I was introduced to the latest and greatest - 'anamorphic animal porn'. Pure win.

03/30/09 Asians

Prisoners Of Whore

The storylines on these Japanese pornos are really hard to follow. I vote less plot and more eels.

03/10/09 Asians

Butthole Obliteration

If Twitter was popular in 2009, a social media campaign could have made this a serious case for Depends Undergarment's first official sponsor of an amateur porn video. I consider it a lost opportunity really.

02/25/09 Painal

Cleanup On Orifice Number 1

This is a fetish known as 'cuckold cleanup'. Usually it involves a closet homosexual who gets off on pimpin his wife out to random strangers. Often the husband will sit in the corner and actually videotape as his significant other gets pounded by foreign cock. Once the creampie has been injected, it's like 'all you can eat' night at Red Lobster. Yum yum eat em up.

02/21/09 Cuckold

Let Yo Dick Swang

I wonder how often he accidentally breaks a girls nose doing all that high speed cock slapping? or does that only happen when the bitch stiffs him on his much deserved dollar tip?

02/11/09 Strippers

Ouch! My Cock!

Looks like women aren't the only ones to suffer injuries on the sets of porno shoots. Professional taco stuffers have a few occupational hazards of their own. I suppose that as long rectal prolapses aren't on that list, being a stunt cock is still my dream job.

02/04/09 Kink.com Fail

Pencil Dick

Never thought I'd be so jealous of a cock shaped like a Slim Jim... and a chocolate covered one at that. Always buckle up and wear a rubber when traveling down the hershey highway, head on collisions can be messy.

01/20/09 Big Dicks

Your Cock Will Never Be That Big

Luckily I'll never be exposed to such humiliation at the hands of a woman, for in my hometown of Tajikistan it's a criminal offense to mock a man's penis size, punishable by decapitation via serrated butter knife. But that's not to say a woman would ever have any reason to shame my kidney cracker to begin with. Trust me, I put horses to shame.

01/16/09 Amateur

Pornstar Nearly Impales Herself

Mullet girl doesn't seem to realize that a dildo this large is likely to cause internal bleeding. Had it actually penetrated her vagina - she'd go down in medical history as the first gynecology patient to have no need for a speculum.

12/17/08 Insertions

LOL I Made You Gag

He seems pretty happy about his achievement. Try doing the same thing again except next time stick your cock in her ass first. When she comes up to blow you she won't gag, she'll just puke. It's called "ass 2 mouth". I invented it.

12/14/08 Fail

He's Not Exactly Pornstar Material

I love how he franctically jacks off even after he's already blown his load, maybe hoping to milk out one last squirt of man-goo and actually land it on her face? No such luck for this fatty arbuckle. I'll tell you though, I'm definitely diggin his torn up thong.

12/13/08 LULZ

BOOM! Your Ass Is Busted!

What happens when you put a huge cock and a tiny asshole together and shake it up a whole bunch? Prolapsicus maximus, that's what. I never finished med school but it's my professional suggestion that she pick up a pack of band-aids on the way home.

12/12/08 Fail

Amputee Porn Gone Bad

All the things that made amputee porn so great just got shitted on by whoever made this so called 'erotic film'. Amputee porn is about disabled, submissive (and usually defenseless) women being fucked by men with exceedingly large penises. I refuse to have it any other way.

12/10/08 Amputee

No, I Will Not Fuck You

I want to be like this guy. I want to have woman begging for my cock and me be all like "lol no, slut" but I just don't see this happening. I mean right now I get rejected by everyone, including prostitutes (yes, even the black ones) so I don't know what the fuck to do. Maybe one of you will beg for my cock? C'mon, it's Christmas. Let me penetrate your holiday spirit.

12/09/08 Amateur

The Orgasm Of Death

Honestly, less than 1% of the shit I post actually makes me LOL. Anal prolapses and horse porn bloopers just don't seem to do it for me anymore. But jesus... the second I heard this guy blow ass in the opening sequence I LOL'd so hard my eyes started watering like an emo kid listening to Dashboard Confessional.

12/06/08 Orgasms

The Inner Demon

The first thing that came to mind was the chest burster scene from Alien. The second thing that came to mind was the giant worm-like monsters from Tremors. You see where I'm going with this? Put those two together and you have what this woman's asshole looks like. Swear to fuck I saw some teeth.

12/01/08 Prolapse

Chest Burster Porn

Glad to see Alien 5 is well underway.

11/30/08

Mushroom Head

For the love of god, someone please cast this man into a porno. I wanna see what a woman's asshole looks like after being fucked by this thing.

11/30/08

Death By Vaginal Cockroach

This is from a Russian film called Philosophy Of A Knife. It's about the Japanese Unit 731... the one that pretty much spent a decade coming up with ridiculous ways to kill people. It's basically just 4 hours of torture. Fun fun fun. While we're on the subject, I'm in preproduction on a post-apocalyptic thriller about punk rock necrophiliacs. Really could use some female talent. Hit me up!

11/19/08 Bizarre
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