The name "Big Bertha" comes from a giant Pre-Nazi German war cannon that would lob 1,800 lb explosive shells into shit like France and Belgium. It also happens to look like this bitches dick.
It's hard being a 425 pound Mexican pornstar with a cock comparable to that of a newborn Chinchilla. Everyday you risk a potential heart attack, difficulty wiping your ass after dropping a deuce and.. oh yeah, completely fucking missing during a facial scene despite being quite literally 3 centimeters away. Ay, Carumba!
Back in the mid 1900's, she was Italy's "Original Pornstar". Today she's senile, decrepit and probably doesn't even know whats going on but someone let her out the nursing home for one last porno shoot.
Some of these cinnamon twist fuck chickens are kind of impressive. While most men will claim to inhale the caramel frappuccinos out of a 7/10 girl's shit basket just to say they were in the same room as them, these pioneers actually take action. This is the true duality of man.
New fetish unlocked at the 2:35 mark: Wearing your friends fish purses like a pair of Jimmy Choo platforms. Except in this version you don't have to cough up a mortgage payment on 5th avenue before getting ankle deep during fashion week. Bargain of the century. [more: Y809Y]
Dead men rise from grave to start fuck by any means. Can YOU stop zombie? Watch whole porn movie clip before decide. WARNING FOR CHILDREN: gunshots and cumshots with Zomb13. Watch @ own sufferings.
"She's beautiful!", announces mom in the voice of an angel while watching her daughter masturbate. Then dad comes home, see's mom and daughter naked in the tub on web cam. Shocker: he's totally cool with it.
Compliments aren't my strong point, but I must say... chick in the yellow dress is fucking stunning. I'd readily eat Honey Nut Cherrios out of Philip Seymour Hoffman's crusty asshole just for a chance to hold her hand. Someone Russian please hook it up.
One of those rare moments where I can overlook the obvious health code violations because the performance is legendary. Be sure to leave them a ★★★★★ Yelp review. Something along the lines of: Service was fast. Getting pubic lice was faster.
Pigs flying, A Manson Family Hanukkah special and clean underwear after all-you-can-eat Chinese food. These are all things I expected to see long before a man that has mastered the art of hands-free ejacs. Next time do it into the palm of a guy named Carlos. It's called the Puerto Rican Panhandle, I invented it.
This guy's dream came true and the bang bus picked him up. First, he's gonna make out with a professional cock sucker. Then after a whopping 10 seconds inside a vagina, he's totally gonna cum all over himself.
Flattery was never my strong point... and it still isn't. Half the decisions here look like they were made by a person that smokes wet Newports, and yet everyone is chowin down like it's grandma's old fashion applesauce. Your fellow Walmartians will be hearing about this.
