New Year, New Me

Silently Begging For Punishment

9th ending unlocked. For me, it's always like this.

OOPS! I Stabbed Your Cervix!

Some "feels" I am glad I will never experience in life. Child birth, menstrual cramps, bamboo fingernail torture, or when a unlubed and unwelcome penis randomly kicks open the door to the house of pain.

Fear is the Weakness

Don't let the confidence in her voice fool you: This cholita's ability to withstand pain is about as real as her soggy pancakes in a pushup bra. As illustrated by his first, second and 17th attempt to keep a decent rhythm in her poo canoe. The end result? Well... you'll see.

Shit White People Do

The real reason caucasian people have trouble getting a job is because they all started drug testing, and the only white recreational activities left are substance abuse, incest, patriotism, fords and watching millionaire black's play school yard games.

Shit T-Girls Say

If attempting to monetize your most private confessions is any sign of a recession, I'd say we're at the tip of an iceberg that would make the dotcom bubble look like like an afterthought. I'll be expecting a lot more of this until Jim Cramer capitulates.

NEVER TRUST TOURISTS

Public Degeneracy Volume 14

The best part of having less shame than the 2000 Spanish Paralympics Basketball team? Walking around half mast during lunch hours is no longer for the unsuspecting Chinese delivery man to enjoy alone. That last dude clearing two floors and sprinting half naked though? The girl cheating must've had grip harder than Gollum at Mount Doom.

Are U SURE UR 18?

Slutty teenage girls make the porn world go round... but only 18 and 19 year olds. The other teens are a unforgivable life ruining crime. So let's see what happens when the brave lad at "faketaxi" finds himself in a precarious predicament.

Shit Pornstars Say 5

Brittanya Razavi channels her inner Gordon Ramsay. Kagney Linn Carter puts herself on a list. Pierre Woodman blurs the language barrier for the 900th time this year. And Amai Liu... Well... let's just say we finally have a real threat for Jake Paul. #bookit

Middle-Aged Woman Terrorizes Locals

Were you also gifted the sexual prowess of a polar bear on methamphetamines at birth? Well that only leaves 1 path for you to take in life. So if you share this lady's disposition, consider alternatives to Tinder. I'm thinking Farmersonly, without the farmers. Feel me?

The Third Eye

Anybody have the technical name for this phenomenon? or a real explanation? Specifically one that doesn't involve voodoo dolls, Penn & Teller or Planet Wing's suicide sauce. I want answers.

Gianna PWNS Heckling Hector!

Dont let the bandana fool you. This cholo's 'tough guy' persona is about as real as his pleather jacket. Such is illustrated after Gianna does the unforgivable - an unconsensual snowball attack - which he takes like a total bitch. This is funny as fuck.