DO NOT TOUCH

DO NOT TOUCH

Uploaded 05/26/18
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This is ridiculous. Not 'haha-ridiculous' like a slab of society identifying as non-binary lesbian toaster strudel. Dude has zero reaction to strangers stuffing his girl like a Walmart ham, and here I am just waiting for David Attenborough's explanation as to why.

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Little engines that just fucking couldn't. If there was a "Special Olympics" for sexual performance, these guys would still be the underdogs of the league.

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A solid plot line can make up for just about anything: Bad acting, low budgets, the marionette scene in Terrifier 2. But this assortment of genetic defects? They've got digital footprints like Tom Cruise has regressive Aspergers, and I don't know when this fucking ride is gonna end.

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Inflation is nearing 9% and you're burning through c-notes so you can Rube Goldberg machine your way into the Guinness Book of Degenerate Orgasms? Someone send this to Dave Ramsey, I want to see him shit his economically priced pants.

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Lulz tier verbal diarrhea from the worlds top experts. It's a good thing emotional scars aren't visible on the outside or some these girls would look like Freddy Kruger.

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Turns out there's literally no shortage in people that consider the piss-soaked alley underneath an active freeway a 5-star romantic experience. So, don't consider today's episode an attack. More like, a celebration of the open-minded. And AIDS.

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These porn producers, always so preoccupied with if they could, but never stopping to wonder if they should. I can't even imagine how awkward this scene must of been to film for everyone involved.

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You may cringe at the portable cock juicer. You might laugh at Big Foot committing a war crime. You will possibly Door Dash a 7 layer burrito bowl after seeing the sandworm at 0:45 second mark. But one thing's universal: We're all glad self-serving hasn't become a TikTok challenge. Yet.

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Not since walking into a waffle house at 2:00AM have I seen such disrespect for the lower half of indigenous females. And just like the riot that ended that night, these alphas have no intent of letting $39.00 worth of plastic surgery go to waste.

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AKA "how to ruin your reputation on a global scale." Usually it's a good thing if everyone gets laid at a party... but not when they all fucked the same chubby std collector.

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