YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG... AGAIN

U GOT WHAT IN YOUR EYE

She just turned eighteen two months ago and got into porn as soon as possible. She never thought this would happen but luckily her co-star has some comforting words for her.

MARRIED MEN DESTROY ESCORT

Erectile Dysfunction... LIKE A BOSS

There's really nothing more emasculating than getting taunted over your sexual inadequacies, save for maybe your mom walking in on you as you spank it to Robin Williams in Jumanji. The point is... Jumanji is a great movie and unfairly disregarded.

The Worst of OnlyFanz IX

Today's episode isn't about the money. It's about sending a message. Specifically to the derelicts that have used the Riemann hypothesis and Swinnerton-Dyer conjecture to justify paying for what you're about to see: Stop it. Get some help.

Bad Boyfriends 2

Dude at the 2:00 mark must have went as Apocolypto for Halloween in 2006 and forgot to take the costume off, and I have no doubt our Scottish socialite's rectal contractions look like they just graduated a course in sign language. Go ahead and tell me nice guys actually do win again?

Porn Scenes Worthy of an Oscar 3

The amazing thing? Multiple people thought these were good ideas and put a whole lot of effort into them. I.E. the guy who had to cut a dick hole in a giant Wheaties box or the man controlling the giant octopus dildo tentacles.

Mom Goals

Who the fuck comes up with these hybrid fetish flicks? Next time you producers want to get creative, how about coating a machete in Zoloft and fucking Logan Paul up the cornholio until he's smiling like Matt Damon on the cover of Good Will Hunting? Google it.

CAMTASTROPHES #12

I was going to surreptitiously tag one of these girls as "Funky Town" to see how many newcomers Google "funky town porn" themselves right off the Internet for a while, but I choose a more honorably path at the last moment. So what did we end up learning today? Sharp objects and SNES soundtracks work extremely well together. That's what.

My First 18-year-old Escort

Some real memorable facial expressions in this one. Almost as if she can't believe someone would pay good money to hookup with a person possessing less sexual prowess than a New York City hotdog, and still achieve climax. 4/10; would penetrate again.

Primative Sexology

Naturally occurring clay has impurities such as rocks & sand in it. There's a way to filter these impurities by planting a female of breeding age directly into the Earth. In this video I start by digging approximately 5 feet into the ground. Then applied our volunteer. This was done a number of times until they realized working retail at Walmart was a better idea after all.

Creme Fraiche'd

Epic poker face @ .57 mark. I call this one the 'i totally just nutted in my own mouth but i dont even give a fuck cause i have a 6.7 inch penis and listen to Rage Against The Machine on vinyl' look. Dude's got that shit mastered.

BF Encourages 10-Dick Cheating Apocalypse

Girl Bosses: You won.