Big Meaty Balls

You Wanna be a Pornstar? FOR REAL?

Some will click this and see a beautiful human being. Others will acid bath their routers & set themselves on fire knowing they've achieved less vaginal supremacy than a guy commonly mistaken for memory foam. Choose your own destiny.

The Living Legend: FUCKMEAT

There's a thin line between trailer park erotica, and soul-deep emotional trauma. Where that line exists I don't know... but judging by the amount of dollar store tattoos I'm seeing on that body, I'd say this human Hindenburg sure as fuck does.

Amateur Fail of The Year

Skanky country girl and dopey get real nasty. Either she's on her period or she just can't handle it. Either way she's not bothered at all and licks the bloody snickers bar clean.

Bargain Bob's One Minute Clinic

Bob is the type of dude that wears gas station sunglasses indoors and shouts "WOOOO" when excited. Bob has also finally gathered the $315 necessary to fulfill a life long fantasy of his, AKA "The Most Fail Interracial Porn In History".

Newb Gangbang Chick Finally Breaks

Take a girl with some obvious daddy issues, throw her in a room with some pussy hungry guys who are into brutality, and what do you get? A very happy and very sore vagina. I think we should give them weapons for round 2.

French Mustard: An Anal Sex Fail

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals and has usually been governed by prostitutes... apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country." - Mark Twain

Porn Newbz Anal Fail

Former ISIS member with gigantic, fake wonky tits does her first porn shoot ever and she's about to learn pornography isn't all smiles and blowjobs. Nope. Sometimes it's about butt-plugs and pain.

The Virgin of All Virgins

The smile this dude gives off whilst getting his first dick-suck is fucking priceless. Worthy of it's own emoticon. Same goes for the someone-just-farted-in-my-face expression he exhibits once he realizes said blowjob has ended. Every 15 frames lies a Kodak moment.

Crushed Dreams Of Porn Stardom

For the greater good of porn these basement dwelling wannabe's need the Lassie treatment. These guys thinking they have what it takes to be porn stars makes as much sense as the story line for "Sharknado".

The Single Worst Invention of All Time

Today's female is too nervous to upload a 13 second video without more filters than Monterey Bay Aquarium . Then... there's this queen. Who has clearly run out of fucks to give somewhere between the 9th and 400th Denny's Super Slam breakfast special. Order now.

"CRIPPLE MY WIFE"

Horrors of Pornography Personified

Today is my old man yells at cloud moment as I inform you that a two foot garden gnome being yoinked out of a woman's lower digestive system makes me feel like the golden age of adult entertainment is long behind us. They truly just don't make them like they used to. It's over.