My Daughter's Poker Face

Guys Only Want 1 Thing

I dunno man... this seems like a pretty predictable outcome to me. Shes got the tolerance of silicon carbide and the prick practicing Macho Man's entire moveset is more annoying than a checkmarked Twitter account. Permanent damage should be expected.

Hollywood's Backup Program

Hey, no one said you had to like it Natalie Portman. Just lean forward, keep a tight grip on those communal wieners and think about all the Baconators you'll be able to purchase at the end of the week. That's what keeps me going. Her first appearance HERE.

2023 Was Out of Fucking Control

As we head towards the final sunset of a year that gave more than one reason to disembowel our own eyeballs with a stinger missile, it's time we reflected. May 2024 bestow upon us more trolls, deeper holes and Twitch.com finishing it's metamorphosis into Chaturbate.

Bad Times At The Bachelorette Party

This girl has an emotional breakdown immediately following a facial. I initially assumed the obvious - dude must love his jumbo asparagus. But upon a 2nd viewing, I spotted a wedding band on the left hand. This is the part where I'm supposed to call her a whore. Personally, I'd rather just comfort her and smell her butt. I'm romantic like that.

"I WONT TELL YOUR WIFE"

BUT I'M A VIRGIN!

The "Demon Pussy" girl is back in a new adventure in potentially one of the best and most retarded scripted porn scenes ever. Kevin Smith is sure to cum buckets over the dialogue alone.

Her G-Spot Is In Her Butthole

This actually starts off as a painal vid, but much like Cuba Gooding Jr.'s acting career, that only lasts for about 14 seconds. From there on it's all pleasure, and by 'pleasure' I mean nervous system-disabling assgasms so hot even Stephen Hawking would pop wood.

The Mike Itkis Sex Tape Actually Happened

2022 continues to be the year of "If the Internet Didn't Archive it, I Wouldn't Fucking Believe it". Not only did an actively campaigning politician pay for, produce and release a sex tape with less penetration than Meryl Streep's last gynecologist visit, but he thought it was going to be secret weapon to his victory lap to boot. [NEWS STORY] [PORNHUB] [THE GIRL'S INSTA]

Pornstars Read Hatemail

I'm not totally convinced that all these girls have reached stardom. Also, I think Tabitha Stevens now qualifies for senior benefits, and one girl looks homeless, but whatever.

Broken by Bukkake

Pretty much a public service announcement on the importance of knowing your limits before inking a deal. Some live to tell the tale. Others, are memed for life. But all have an abnormally intimate relationship with Newport cigarettes and Klonopin before the age of 25.

The Most Pathetic Lesbian Scene Of All Time

Some women that happen to look like rejected "Lord of the Rings" characters find themselves in a cheap hotel room, making a porn movie so atrocious that even the producer wouldn't show up to film it.

Your Gangbang Etiquette Sucks!

This might eradicate any train-running fantasies you might have once had. But it will also peak your curiosity as to how Danny Glover spends a Saturday night with friends. It's what us Internet folk call a video that's perfectly balanced, as all things should be.