After bulldozing 50% of Detroit's prostis, our man finally broke unfamiliar ground: A woman in it for the BBC, not crackrock... and a dedicated one at that. That butthole took more abuse than a fully charged EBT card at KFC.
Nevermind the fact that he looks like he lost his virginity to a Hulk Hogan body pillow. I just wanna know why he went for The Baltimore Handshake when another $20 would have gotten him fast-lane access to clam city.
LIFE LESSON #237: If someone uses the word negotiable in their Craigslist ad - move the fuck on to the next one or prepare to doomsday prep on Valtrex & Clorox bleach. Discounts are temporary. War-torn genitals arent.