Bootstrapping your pretend family members: Apparently it's the stepping stone for every 40-something female that wants to pursue the world of porn. Most women have enough respect to decline the offer, but mom has a different approach...
She's having problems of the ovarian variety and it's about to fuck your day up. My defense? eFukt lacks videos for the female demographic. You already know where this is going.
Meet Melody: A 33% shareholder in the trio of Italian freaks known as DollsCult. Apparently in between marathoning episodes of Metaloclypse and getting death threats for wiping their genitals all over public property - they actively participate in community service. #getamop
This piece highlights some cases of shoulda locked the fucking door but I'm thinking with my genitals and other hilarious cases of people getting busted.
To find a man truly worthy of this title we must dig deep into the early days of internet pornography. A time when potato quality was top notch and only took 2 hours to download.
Deep in the dungeon of KINK studios, they have accidentally unleashed a monster. A sweet girl that finds vaginal sex super boring and only gets off from evil butt sex.
Was originally going to call this "A Gentleman's Guide to Investing, then quickly realized even Warren Buffet himself experiences deeper penetrations than whatever the fuck we just witnessed here. Seriously, dude was one wrong trajectory away from being featured in one of those JCS videos.
11 Seconds: That's the average time it takes for one family-sized order of Chang's Orange Chicken to kick flip it's way out of my body and make it's way back to the manure farm. It's also the amount of time it takes the new poster girl for "LOLIDGAF" to get the official Efukt seal of approval. You're welcome.
