Guadalupe no, not on the sheets. Those are fucking Egyptian cotton. Now his whole bedroom's gonna stink like chicken of the sea for the next month and half. But maybe you can redeem yourself by clawing at his testicles a little more?
I'm pretty sure just about everyone gets caught having sex by their parents at some point in life. Well maybe not if you're an orphan, but it definitely happened to me. I was playing Tetris, level 34, as the neighborhood hoe performed fellatio on my Ultra Magnus. I put in a special request to mother for some Nachos Bell Grande, assuming I'd be finished prior to delivery. Needless to say my calculations were a bit off.
That doesn't even look too fun. Her tits look like tomatoes on the verge of exploding. I never realized breasts were so durable. Not only do they come in handy for whatever the fuck you'd call this shit, but they also serve as excellent punching bags. They're multipurpose, unlike my penis.
I love how he franctically jacks off even after he's already blown his load, maybe hoping to milk out one last squirt of man-goo and actually land it on her face? No such luck for this fatty arbuckle. I'll tell you though, I'm definitely diggin his torn up thong.
This dude screams as if his hand just got hacked off Blood Diamond style, either that or he just found out KFC discontinued their awesome $4.99 12 piece honey chicken meal deal. Take your pick. And sorry if this is a repost, I'm short on time. I've got a date with an 19 year old diabetic in 45 minutes. We're gonna watch Jumanji and play truth or dare at my moms house. Jealous? That's what I thought, faggot.
Really now, I've been caught doing worse things on the job. K-Mart, January 2002, thirty minutes before closing, pet food aisle. Me, Mrs. Dilworth and a 2 foot lava lamp straight out of the display case. Use your imagination.
This is why I carry a 12oz bottle of my mace in my center console. Rest stops are great for quick 'on the road' jackoff sessions but they're almost always laden with dirty old men looking to score free peep shows. If they want to see me make love to myself, they gotta pay... otherwise it's mace to the face.
Anally penetrating a Ukrainian hooker while watching Mrs. Doubtfire has been on my to-do list for ages, but it looks like this crazy motherfucker beat me to it. Oh well, I'll still always be the 1st person ever to receive a blumpkin whilst playing Command & Conquer: Tiberian Dawn. Wasn't easy.
Here's yet another video of a woman suffering from bodily damage after granting a large cock permission to penetrate her brown eye. To be honest, I think this one is a tranny but that's besides the point. I want to know where those 2 giant raisins dangling from her asshole came from?
It's typical really. Nudists are all about being natural... leave the genitals exposed, armpits unshaven and when you've got a yeast infection... you let it rain.
Moral of the story: always be able to identify the person sucking your cock, unless you're totally cool with putting your sexuality in harms way. Some risks just aren't worth taking. See more guys tricked into being gay homosexuals on the BAIT BUS.
First off, this chick is drunk off her ass, and I mean that in a literal sense. She had a gallon of wine.. directly through her asshole. Now I always thought it was fun to poo on the floors of public restrooms, but this lady takes it to an all new level. If you've ever played Command & Conquer, think of her anus as the Ion Cannon.
I found this on some website that pays $2,000 for homemade porno. I'm kinda bummed... they rejected all 3 of my personal sextapes, citing that my 2 inch penis wouldn't appeal to general audiences. Ouch!
Aye carumba! Nice elephant cock dood! But I forsee 1 little problem... the only creatures with big enough holes for you to fuck are large horses and gay pornstars who've been subjected to olympian gangbangs. Tough break bro!
I know I know, all I ever do is boast about the greatness of anal sex. But we must not disregard a major downside to packing fudge - and that would be the fact that getting shit all over your cock is inevitable.
All I wanna know is how the fuck did he do that without the employee noticing? Some sort of pussy pounding stealth mode... I gotta learn that so I can fuck my hookers without waking up mom and dad.
I should probably visit Bosnia. If girls will drop their panties for dirty old scumbags like that over there, I might still have a shot at losing my virginity afterall.
