To all 19 active female viewers of this site: Break out the newtons and take some notes. This is what you DON'T DO to avoid becoming official Efukt alumni.
Nothing spells H-I-G-H M-A-I-N-T-E-N-A-N-C-E like a lady refusing a gift. TEH FACTS: They'll never look at a 2-Liter the same again, tolerance is non-negotiable and getting them to do a sequel? Well... that's about as likely as Lebron James growing a hairline.
Ever wonder how these girls are able to accommodate penises large enough to legally require airbags? HINT: They take painkillers. Lots of 'em. And I'm not talking about the kind that leave you looking like the cover of Alison Arngrim's “Heeere's Amy". (look it up)
Apparently this is common in the grottos of Nigeria. I'm not so sure about it's entertainment value though. Some will look at this and see the peak of female empowerment... all I see is a barbecue even Homer fucking Simpson himself would've RSVP to.
A five minute crash-course on how to squeeze every moment out of your favorite side piece, as illustrated by the shameless, the morally-deprived, and the defenders of all things Insane Clown Posse. It's priceless information really. Trust me on this one.
Found this gem in the Italian film "Capodanno in Casa Curiello", which roughly translates to "New Years at Grandpa's House". Think combining the gothic undertones of The Adam's Family with the threatening erections of Boogie Nights wouldn't work? You thought wrong faggit.
Prozac-deficient Internet hookers are a welcomed sight here at eFukt... but this post isn't about the daddy issues. It's about intensity. These temper tantrums cut deeper than Donald Trump's Twitter feed, and while that might not be saying much, I'm confident you'll be impressed.
Eight times pornography actually shocked me. Okay maybe just one time. Specifically #3. While the others have come and gone, this little gem remains unexplained.
To my ever growing .08% female viewership: put on your bifocals and pay the fuck attention. This is what you DON'T do if you want that e-hooker money to keep coming in. Always keep calm, and save the estrogen-fueled temper tantrums for Buzzfeed articles.
She escaped communist China in search of a better life. Only to find herself in a Detroit warehouse angrily jerking off dudes and giving unhappy endings.
The "Demon Pussy" girl is back in a new adventure in potentially one of the best and most retarded scripted porn scenes ever. Kevin Smith is sure to cum buckets over the dialogue alone.
Not much is worse (or funnier) than an unexpected penis bashing some hoer O-ring with little forewarning or lube. Ideally, zero forewarning and zero lubes.
Do their porno dreams come true? Fuck no. Instead, four average-ass mother fuckers attempt to make sex with the prestigious Christy Mack, and each and every one of them brutally embarrasses themselves.
Another edition of ratchet sex tape fails featuring hood rat stuff like fire alarms with dying batteries, one lopsided illegal butt implant and other ghetto stuff.
If you get aroused to non-consentual incest porn, you probably shouldn't tell anyone because you have a serious personality disorder and you probably come off weird already and have no idea.
Five possibly boner killing clips from otherwise decent porn scenes. Featuring a magic penis that gives a girl the ability to communicate with water mammals as well as an unconscious teenager and another that cries.
The "Pepe le Pew" of porn finds out his costar is half an X-men with titanium rods installed on her spin. Woodman's response? An absolute fucking hurricane of verbal and physical assaulting that would make Chris Brown look like Charlie Brown lol.
