World's 1st Cum Hating Pornstar

1,669,725 views

Aim for dry ground and let 'er rip. That's been the formula for centuries... until Krystal "i have standards" Steal showed up. You see, she has more apathy for body fluids than Paula Deen has for low fat potato chippies. Ever wonder what it would be like if KFC had an all-you-can-eat buffet? That's the kind of 'sounds fun but always ends bad' disappointment I'm talking about here.

Uploaded 09/24/17 LULZ

krystal steal, cum dodging, pornstar, fail

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Advanced Sex Moves 2021

I'm all for testing boundaries, but caution should be advised if you want to attempt any of these yourself. Tip: When testing those Special Team plays you saw online, it's best to practice first. PROOF: The $4500 bill I have for buying this.

1,301,402 views 07/19/21 LULZ

The Brutal Cumpilation

Featuring cum shots of rage, bellowing whimpers and angry mongoloid orgasms so intense they could dismantle your soul with their gooey brutal essence.

5,328,041 views 08/04/16 Ridiculous Orgasms

18 Year Old's First Scene Ends Horrifically

It's not like Woodman sending 18 year old girls to the Depends section at Super Walmart is some sort of secret, so one has to question the motives at this point. Is it an act? Are they sadomasochists? And most importantly: If Ronda Rousey were to crowbar her vagina open, would it be comparable to the consistency of pulling apart a peanut butter sandwich?

708,169 views 04/29/24 Woodman Casting X Teen

Awkward Guy Ruins Porn Shoot

A socially inept goober gets a job getting jerked off by a hottie and manages to fuck it up, dashing his dreams of porn stardom in the process. It's like the movie Rudy, if Rudy was thrown out the game before ever playing and never scored.

2,788,271 views 12/03/13 LULZ

Real 18 Year Old Sister's Anal Assault

At first I thought the same as you; What Tim Burton movie did Ice Spice crawl ass backwards out of? Immediately followed by wondering why Sofa "diapers at 23" Weber would subject her own flesh and blood to the [first] dirty donut bulldozing we saw. Evolution is a mystery.

1,537,243 views 02/12/24 Anal

OOPZ, LOST TEH DILDO

Losing an 8 inch dildo in in a girls ass can have some consequences beyond fecal flavoring. If you can't get it out, the shoot is over and it's an awkward trip to the hospital with an unhappy porn star.

3,604,030 views 02/04/14 21Sextury Fail

Shit Pornstars Say 4

I imagine this is what happens when all of your knowledge of the English language comes from Pizza Hut commercials and TikTok. In fact, I may have just uncovered a form of communication so useless that California colleges might start offering 4-year degrees in it.

1,811,484 views 10/13/20 Shit Pornstars Say

THIS WON'T LAST 24HRS

9,888 views 05/16/24

I DON'T EVEN

I don't have words for this. So instead, I will quote Ian Watkins of the band "lost prophets" and say this is "mega lulz".

2,592,958 views 03/08/15 LULZ

Ass to Mouth with Consequences

You gotta admire commitment in anything. This young lady was so devoted to the scene that when it came to anal, she soldiered through it. When it came time for the cum shot, she fellates his fecal flavored ram rod without hesitation.

4,201,974 views 08/31/13 Woodman Casting X LULZ

Condemnable Sex Tapes

If it wasn't for the guy getting his hot dog caramelized I was going to say society has gotten too soft on sperg-like sex acts that belong behind closed doors or in a WNBA locker room. I expect nothing less from citizens that look like Buc-ee's is their favorite restaurant.

1,082,123 views 10/19/23 Bizarre

The Only Olympics I'm Watching in 2024

I wasn't intending on the ambiguous crossover of Tokyo and The Kentucky Derby to make my boner list... yet here we are.

1,021,362 views 02/23/23 Asians