The long awaited return of America's favorite talking bear. Join Ted in Japan on one of his wackiest adventures yet as he's found himself in the care of a teenage school girl and Ted's going for the Nanking special.
For my Japanese-deficient friends, the original title of this masterpiece roughly translates to: "Nana Maeno Refrigerator Girl I Put My Step Sister In The Refrigerator And Turned Her Into A Frozen Sex Toy Nana" Do I believe more than 3% of those words? No. But honesty never got in between me and my cum sock before, and it isn't about to start now.
free tip: Don't be fooled by the "i collect exotic toothpastes and I'm saving my g-spot for Sonic the Hedgehog" appearance. She may appear to be innocent, but this is no sex noob. Despite leaking more soft serve than a birthday party at Carvel, she actually did finish the scene.
Turns out the 1987 original was supposed to be even more violent. With the new remake getting a PG-13 rating, with it comes the almost certainty to destroy the ultra-violent badass awesomeness of RoboCop and change him into a safe for kids metal pussy. Source: Ourrobocopremake.com
Kinda off topic, but 8 hrs ago it seemed like a good idea to eat 64 slices of American Cheese and wash it down with a bottle of gin. Then someone had the gall to say Have a good morning to me. Listen mom, unless you have a sewing kit and extensive knowledge of battle wounds, your request is permanently denied.
Meet the man whose penis looks more like a belly button with testicles. The man who gives credence to the old adage of "it's just cold outside", in response to why ones cock would be smaller than a vienna sausage.
Who the fuck comes up with these hybrid fetish flicks? Next time you producers want to get creative, how about coating a machete in Zoloft and fucking Logan Paul up the cornholio until he's smiling like Matt Damon on the cover of Good Will Hunting? Google it.
I feel like this has some deeper meaning than a porn parody of the exorcist. I just awed at it like it was a Salvador Dali painting or some shit, trying to figure out how my existence had brought me to this point.
Take one part anime, one part pornography, one part Mortal Kombat and you end up with a hilarious show about ninja school girls sexually man-slaughtering perverted villains around campus.
Some women require foreplay to get off. Others, Little Caesars 5 for $5.00. And then there's Jessica Carrboro aka The Crotch Vampire, who takes no less than a scoop of organic strawberry swirl to get moist. I say this with complete sincerity: You're not ready for her.
Some wisdom I picked up during my 2 hour stakeout of a monster truck rally bathroom: You get what you pay for. And by the looks of those potato-sized welts taking up residence next to her shithole, I'd say this dude used Groupon at the time of service.
