The Socially Awkward Teenager

Ultra Alpha

Would Denmark Mafia be so kind as to turn the soundbyte at 0:24 into their next banger? That's the kind of collaboration that can fuel my beat-off sessions all the way into spring. More Woodman HERE and HERE.

Saving Sea Life

Watching [girls like this] bait the socially inept into a monthly subscription reminds me of a black widow documentary I once accidentally watched for 2 hours. All that's missing is David Attenboroughs voice and an invigorating supply of Cialis.

Life of the Party

You know you had fun when the next day you wake up with a concussion and realize you not only left your phone, but you also forgot your clothes, underwear, sunglasses and self-respect at the club.

Incredible Acts, Depraved Humans 7

These stories have not been embellished, because - they need no embellishment. They are simply, horrifyingly, the story of the average degenerate human sharing space on this planet with you. Except that last one...It'd be more believable to call that woman a scientist, because the elements she's finding in there are undiscovered by man and Bill Nye.

Hollywood's Backup Program

Hey, no one said you had to like it Natalie Portman. Just lean forward, keep a tight grip on those communal wieners and think about all the Baconators you'll be able to purchase at the end of the week. That's what keeps me going. Her first appearance HERE.

Fan of the Year: You're Doing it RIGHT

Carl Sagan said it couldn't be done. Mythbusters ignored our requests to do an episode on it. But thanks to NEGATIVE DOLL we finally have definitive proof that fan videos can be fucking awesome #REACHFORTHESTARS

Awkward Moments In Porn 2

Like when you can't think of a description, cuz you realize everything you post is awkward... fuck.

THIS WON'T LAST 24HRS

Your Gangbang Etiquette Sucks!

This might eradicate any train-running fantasies you might have once had. But it will also peak your curiosity as to how Danny Glover spends a Saturday night with friends. It's what us Internet folk call a video that's perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

He Only Has One Rule

Dude looks like he walked into a tattoo parlor and said "yes". Luckily he's hung like a brontosaurus to round out these constructive life decisions. Not sure I was expecting that twist at the end though. Kinda reinforcing the whole don't judge a book by it's cover thing, aren't we?

Tricked Into Fisting

The Oakland Doorknob. German Knuckle Cake. Mongolian Taco Punching. Not buying Bitcoin when it was 73 cents. It goes by a lotta different names. But the shame... thats always the same.

17 COCKS = REGRET

Discounted Rice-a-Roni, a Dwayne Johnson body massage and joining a Chick-fil-A protest: All things I'd willingly commit to before slapping a ring on Jasmine Bryne. Pay attention boys and remember: One day it could be half of YOUR Amiibo collection.