Sumo Belly - A Sex Tape Tragedy

Not exactly the most unexpected chain of events from a woman that considers Waffle House an aphrodisiac. I'd expand on this thought, but I'm late for my farmersonly match. A place for the modern male when traditional meet & greets don't meet their societal standards. MORE

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Magical Moments In Porn

Straight out of a Discord moderator's direct messages, these fractured creatures have found themselves between cringe and cold hard cash. I'm talking a cool $0 payout to do this shit. Not even enough get drugs strong enough to hallucinate back to 2008 when Dashboard Confessional's asshole was relevant.

02/06/26 WTF

The 2 Million Scoville Orgasm

Monetizing your vagina only has a few rules: Minimal trips to Home Depot, and keep the clitoris away from all things with the name "Husqvarna" on them. Not a hard list, but this MFC alumni decides to test fate another way, resulting in a semi-rage quit. GGNORE.

Blame it on the BBC

I guess this is what happens when your Netflix and Chill night turns into a solo adventure and you start organizing the "Foreign Girls That Like WuTang" sub-folder in your NUT directory. I don't know, I see more reasons you shouldn't cornhole wild life thanks to her constant deer-in-headlights reaction than I do sitcom legends. Thoughts?

10/25/21 Mildly Retarded

Daddy Fucks Me To Save Mommy

Welcome to the "Donnie Darko" of porn, where Daddy is either a psychological terrorist or a hero? It's all left up for interpretation.

Jimmy the Virgin Becomes a Man

Just what in the fucking Doogie Howser, M.D. are we witnessing here? I'd give him the big W for going the distance... but no amount of THOT slaying in the world is going to change the unfortunate genetic make up of that boogie board he calls a body. Congrats?

Nothing Is Sacred Anymore

First they [besmirched the good name of Silent Hill 2]. Now this? Still better then whatever the fuck the RE3 remake was, but low ceilings were made to be broken.

Fast, Furious and Fucked Up

Nothing says reinventing a franchise quite like admitting to the world that you have a fetish even the truckers of America aren't paying for in Walmart parking lots. Now give this so many views, The Rock won't be able to turn down being in the sequel.

High Maintenance

Her claim to fame is deplorable... but when the clothes come off her barbarian hips look like they can survive giving birth to Danny Devito and it's fuckin' beautiful. 5/5 Yelp stars, would eat again.

12/17/18 Vintage

The Caught Compilation 25

It's almost like as time passes, society has less than a fuck to give about where they burn the midnight salami. Reminds me of the time I was almost caught defecating in a Blockbuster return box in protest to late fees accumulated on Surf Ninjas. [my balance remains due]

Men Without Dicks

We can dance (we can dance)
Everybody's taking the chance (we can dance)
It's safe to dance
It's safety dance

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French Mustard: An Anal Sex Fail

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals and has usually been governed by prostitutes... apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country." - Mark Twain

04/26/16 Anal
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