Sumo Belly - A Sex Tape Tragedy

Not exactly the most unexpected chain of events from a woman that considers Waffle House an aphrodisiac. I'd expand on this thought, but I'm late for my farmersonly match. A place for the modern male when traditional meet & greets don't meet their societal standards. MORE

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The upside to being treated like the exhaust pipe of a Chevrolet El Dorado? Literally nothing. All you have to do is breath and the alpha male fantasy fan fiction will magnetize to you like a herpes outbreak at a Playboi Carti concert.

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Ultra Beta

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Don't Try this At Home

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Shorting the lifespan of women nearing menopause isn't the only thing J Mac and friends are going to be known for after today.

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Don't Care, Had Sex

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Unacceptable Devices V

If there's one thing that never fails to get me questioning the future of this whole human race experiment; it's what the most unassuming person will consider a sexual accessory. So here's about 6 of them. That's right, six. As in the number of times I replayed the noise that Pringles can made when ricocheting off her head.

My First Escort

Some real memorable facial expressions in this one. Almost as if she can't believe someone would pay good money to hookup with a person possessing less sexual prowess than a New York City hotdog, and still achieve climax. 4/10; would penetrate again.

Stacked and More Socially Awkward 18-year-old

You clicked the original one so many damn times, I had to dive deeper into her discography. Unfortunately it turns out all her roads lead to this evolutionary cul-de-sac using her as the only form of exercise he's seen since Jock Jams was a thing. Don't look that up. [-PART I-]

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