Vlad the Impaler

What's hung like a Clydesdale and knows less words than a Pokemon? He's known simply as Vlad, and 37 states require a permit to walk around with that fucking thing in public.

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Playstation One-levels of animation and someones first experience with Windows Movie Maker goes horribly... right? In other words, I only ejaculated twice. And that's coming from a man whos seen Sarah Silverman naked. My voice matters.

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The story of a hungry naked girl, an awkward handshake and a condom full of money. More of the blonde getting railed in the source link.

Public Degeneracy Volume 9

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Proof that Money Can Buy ANYTHING

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The Worst Tits in Porn

Flat-chested girls everywhere rejoice because there's worse things in life than having no tits. You could have weird tits and add implants, leaving you with gigantic weird sideshow tits. And back problems.

12/13/13 LULZ

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The 18-Second Man

My first pay-to-play happened in a Burger King toilet stall. She was more Kurt Perry than Katy Perry, Kinda foul. Not even a triple replay of Heather Graham's bush in Boogie Nights changed the mood that night. But... if I had this guy's attitude? Life... life would be different.

06/27/19 Big Dicks

Blame it on the BBC

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10/25/21 Mildly Retarded

The Future of Fucking

One country's quest for sexual satisfaction reaches it's peak, courtesy of a build-a-bear workshop for egg-drop rice boxes. It's hard to turn a blind eye to this actually being possible in 2020, but make sure this technology never makes it's way to Florida and you got yourself an investor.

10/23/20 Asians

17 COCKS = REGRET

Discounted Rice-a-Roni, a Dwayne Johnson body massage and joining a Chick-fil-A protest: All things I'd willingly commit to before slapping a ring on Jasmine Bryne. Pay attention boys and remember: One day it could be half of YOUR Amiibo collection.

09/04/19 Teen

Just Tha Tip

Shane Diesel the type that gotta stand when he poops or his dick floats in the water. His dick so big he can't even go balls deep on these professional cock smugglers without causing serious internal injuries.

Uncle Dick-Dont-Fit

Sonuva bitch... dude's packing the kind of penis that can only be described as "an emergency every time I have to take a piss". Time to call up AARP and find out what size wheelbarrow they're willing to cover for this kind of disability. Something in a dual-wheel polycarbon should do it.

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