Death By Titties

The Deal Breaker

Classic case of overconfidence. If only he put as much effort into his hygiene as she did into Walmart bathrooms she choose to get tattooed in, then maybe this permanent mark on his resume could have been avoided. Live, learn and always wipe twice.

Single Worst Camshow in Russia

FORNICATION: It's pretty basic stuff. But for Goober McAutismo over here it might as well be mission impossible. What you're about to see may quite possibly be the worst excuse for sexual entertainment that's ever made it online... and that's coming from someone who sat through all 74 minutes of Edward Penishands. Twice.

Bad Times At The Bachelorette Party

This girl has an emotional breakdown immediately following a facial. I initially assumed the obvious - dude must love his jumbo asparagus. But upon a 2nd viewing, I spotted a wedding band on the left hand. This is the part where I'm supposed to call her a whore. Personally, I'd rather just comfort her and smell her butt. I'm romantic like that.

Mom Goals

Who the fuck comes up with these hybrid fetish flicks? Next time you producers want to get creative, how about coating a machete in Zoloft and fucking Logan Paul up the cornholio until he's smiling like Matt Damon on the cover of Good Will Hunting? Google it.

The Worst Tits in Porn

Flat-chested girls everywhere rejoice because there's worse things in life than having no tits. You could have weird tits and add implants, leaving you with gigantic weird sideshow tits. And back problems.

Permission to Destroy

Lexi Grey has a long list of do's and a virtually non-existent list of do-nots. Now somebody get this future hall of famer the urban dictionary definition of Alabama Hot Pocket ASAP so we can fight over who gets to marry her first.

A LITTLE TOO REAL

He Only Has One Rule

Dude looks like he walked into a tattoo parlor and said "yes". Luckily he's hung like a brontosaurus to round out these constructive life decisions. Not sure I was expecting that twist at the end though. Kinda reinforcing the whole don't judge a book by it's cover thing, aren't we?

Public Degeneracy Volume 10

Desperate for attention and not afraid of having their pork chops on the Internet forever. If these aren't the quintessential for the independent woman of 2023, I don't wanna know what is. Now ladies, make sure to save that OF cash. The Valtrex isn't going to overnight itself.

Educating a Glory Hole Rookie

Professional cuck-enabler Mariah Leonne takes a mouth-first dive into new territory; only to end up filming what may very well be the first "moment I changed teams" ever caught on video. For some strange reason, they broke up right after this.

Mother of the Year!

Enjoy, for this is undoubtedly the first, last and only time you'll ever see an 18 year old camwhore drunkenly dildo herself directly in front of her disapproving mom. In a word... FAP.

Stronger than Viagra

Found this gem in the Italian film "Capodanno in Casa Curiello", which roughly translates to "New Years at Grandpa's House". Think combining the gothic undertones of The Adam's Family with the threatening erections of Boogie Nights wouldn't work? You thought wrong faggit.