You know you're in the golden age of porn when someone consults Michael Bay for their scene. Too bad the novelty of implied homicide wears off pretty quick when you have to multitask cumshots with Die Hard 1.
First time squirters, prolapse-induced climaxes and bittersweet hategasms... today's vid has more variety than a fuckin Sizzler salad bar. Best comes last, so I recommend you see this one all the way through.
This girl has an emotional breakdown immediately following a facial. I initially assumed the obvious - dude must love his jumbo asparagus. But upon a 2nd viewing, I spotted a wedding band on the left hand. This is the part where I'm supposed to call her a slut. Personally, I'd rather just comfort her and smell her butt. I'm romantic like that.
It's time to tackle a topic that has gone unanswered for far too long. And today we're doing it in such a way that'll leave you questioning both the average tolerance of the female sphincter and who should have really been the final boss of Monster Hunter Wilds. [my vote is cast]
"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals and has usually been governed by prostitutes... apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country." - Mark Twain
A girl down on her luck turns to porn for some quick cash to get back on her feet, but what follows is one of the worst porn spectacles I've ever seen.
To find a man truly worthy of this title we must dig deep into the early days of internet pornography. A time when potato quality was top notch and only took 2 hours to download.
