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Butthole Obliteration

If Twitter was popular in 2009, a social media campaign could have made this a serious case for Depends Undergarment's first official sponsor of an amateur porn video. I consider it a lost opportunity really.

1,506,409 views 02/25/09 Painal

Unwanted Product Placement

That's bad. Really bad. Pepsi should sue.

624,874 views 01/25/09

Piglet

Ya know that hot 18 year old blonde you had cybersex with last week? This is what she really looks like.

438,015 views 01/03/09

Oops, My Pussy Farted

It's only blooper if it involves a prolapse or someone unwantedly getting poo on their wang. That's the eFukt standard, you all know that. But for this, I just had to make an exception.

1,497,636 views 12/29/08 Kink.com Fail

The Dumbest Sex Device Ever Built

That doesn't even look too fun. Her tits look like tomatoes on the verge of exploding. I never realized breasts were so durable. Not only do they come in handy for whatever the fuck you'd call this shit, but they also serve as excellent punching bags. They're multipurpose, unlike my penis.

1,498,669 views 12/28/08 Bizarre

Pornstar Nearly Impales Herself

Mullet girl doesn't seem to realize that a dildo this large is likely to cause internal bleeding. Had it actually penetrated her vagina - she'd go down in medical history as the first gynecology patient to have no need for a speculum.

2,150,101 views 12/17/08 Insertions

The Orgasm Of Death

Honestly, less than 1% of the shit I post actually makes me LOL. Anal prolapses and horse porn bloopers just don't seem to do it for me anymore. But jesus... the second I heard this guy blow ass in the opening sequence I LOL'd so hard my eyes started watering like an emo kid listening to Dashboard Confessional.

2,493,356 views 12/06/08 Orgasms

Coworker Caught Jacking Off

Really now, I've been caught doing worse things on the job. K-Mart, January 2002, thirty minutes before closing, pet food aisle. Me, Mrs. Dilworth and a 2 foot lava lamp straight out of the display case. Use your imagination.

2,217,135 views 11/23/08 Busted!

Maniac Attacks 2 Lesbian Sisters

This is from the 1976 classic Water Power. It's a lot like Taxi Driver, except this Travis Bickle has a little fetish for forcing woman into doing enemas at gun point. The film is actually based on real crimes committed by an Illinois man dubbed the "Enema Bandit". Anyway he's dead now, so R.I.P you scat-loving motherfucker.

3,241,859 views 11/22/08 Vintage

Death By Vaginal Cockroach

This is from a Russian film called Philosophy Of A Knife. It's about the Japanese Unit 731... the one that pretty much spent a decade coming up with ridiculous ways to kill people. It's basically just 4 hours of torture. Fun fun fun. While we're on the subject, I'm in preproduction on a post-apocalyptic thriller about punk rock necrophiliacs. Really could use some female talent. Hit me up!

1,907,570 views 11/19/08 Bizarre

Cleaning Has Never Been More Fun

Fuck, that's a hell of a way to mop a floor. It's inspiring really. So how exactly would one apply this kind of creativity to cleaning up their bathroom? I've got shit stains on my toilet dating back from 1997 and the only way I'm gonna get off my ass and do something about it is if it involves a naked woman.

2,324,790 views 11/03/08 Bizarre

How To Fuck Like A King

Damn. I could really use some service like this. At 325 pounds, I'm lucky if I can even find my cock, let alone put it to use. Sign me up for 2 whores, along with 4 beefcakes to handle all movement.

2,233,741 views 11/02/08 LULZ

No Bitch I Aint Eating Your Pussy

She tries to blame the fowl taste on the lube but that doesn't really explain the cheese whiz dripping out of her pussy. Douche with hydrogen peroxide + Mentos and get on with the show.

1,701,481 views 10/11/08 Fail

He Can Suck His Own Dick

You think you've got it good? This dude has a curled mullet and a 7 inch cock that he can suck all on his own. Jealous right? Now before you do that semi backwards somersault, you should really read up on the dangers associated with autofellatio. Wouldn't want you to snap your neck or get some terrible STD.

2,081,200 views 09/28/08 Bizarre

Chef Boyardee Jizzes Upon Contact

Poor bastard, he's the real life version of the premature ejaculator from American Pie. I'd like to see him masturbate. All he has to do is poke his cock with his index finger and it's a done deal.

2,049,946 views 09/25/08 Premature

Nudist Has A Vaginal Problem

It's typical really. Nudists are all about being natural... leave the genitals exposed, armpits unshaven and when you've got a yeast infection... you let it rain.

2,103,977 views 09/24/08 Bizarre

Search Her Pussy For Contraband

I love how this is a real procedure. They do it before admitting woman into correction facilities. Imagine having that job, getting paid to raid pussies for contraband. Imagine all the treasures you could find.

1,721,786 views 09/17/08 Groped

Gangbanged On Reality TV

This is fake. This isn't a real gameshow and she isn't in real pain. 3 inch penises make girls laugh, not cry. Trust me, I know.

2,303,810 views 09/06/08 Asians

She Cant Feel His Small Dick

His snaggled toothed girlfriend can barely feel his cock so she keeps asking for it harder but she doesn't seem to realize that there is only so much you can do with 3 inches..

2,414,814 views 07/21/08 Amateur

Mean Sluts Ridicule Noob

This video really hits close to home. I too was once ridiculed for bustin my sloppy goo nuts prematurely. My ego was scarred and so was my penis (herpes). Watching this brings it all back. So to the Hispanic slut who was the most vocal during the humiliation: Space Dock, Strawberry Cheesecake, and a Tony Danza. All for you. All at once.

1,726,876 views 07/13/08 FuckTeamFive Premature
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