17 COCKS = REGRET

South America's Most Alpha Male

99.99% of men will never experience this man's life. He's got the negotiating skills of Elon Musk, the aura of a baconator and they've got no other options. It's a sexual combination you never knew you wanted until today.

Fan of the Year: You're Doing it RIGHT

Carl Sagan said it couldn't be done. Mythbusters ignored our requests to do an episode on it. But thanks to NEGATIVE DOLL we finally have definitive proof that fan videos can be fucking awesome #REACHFORTHESTARS

The Socially Awkward Teenager

When it's a girl's first time doing hardcore porn and she's too nervous on camera to put two syllables together, you get what I imagine to be the closest experience to fucking a corpse you can have without taking a trip to the morgue. Luckily the awkwardness only makes me harder.

18 Year Old Barely Survives Anal Rampage

At first I was positive this was the same woman that keeps invading my Instagram feed with videos about blowing circus clowns and publicly shaming herself for having the vaginal odor of a Sudanese outhouse. But her (un)puckered starburst having the towing capacity of a Dodge Ram 3500 proved otherwise.

Anally Destroying a Mentally Disturbed Teenager

This whole glorious scene is a beautiful train wreck and I can't fucking wait to hear a epic drum and bass remix of this. EDIT: [Remix #1] [Remix #2]

Wheelchair Bobby Inseminates Goth Prostitute

Watch as emo Helga Pataki dirty talks Jimmy Noodle Legs during a hot coitus session. Turns out Jenny from Forest Gump isn't the only suicidal slut down for banging immobilized mental midgets.

The Dangers of Webcamming

It's kinda refreshing to know the cam-clam game has stayed relevant amongst the rise of OnlyFans popularity. Never forget the O.G. sex workers that paved the way via 56k modem bitrate and school libraries. Now let's go ahead and get these ladies under contract for the next Ghostbusters reboot. I smell Oscars.

The Cum MASTER

Real? Deceptive editing? The Goku of premature ejaculation? I don't have the answer this time. But just imagine if he went even further with this talent. Plan-B's entire industry would need emergency funding.

CAUGHT CHEATING AGAIN

A Crash Course in BBC

If the west side of Chicago had it's own edition of Rosetta Stone, I imagine it would look something like this. Undoubtedly the most abuse I've seen an Italian take since Rocco was subjected to this fucking trainwreck for 30 minutes lmao.

Your Gangbang Etiquette Sucks!

This might eradicate any train-running fantasies you might have once had. But it will also peak your curiosity as to how Danny Glover spends a Saturday night with friends. It's what us Internet folk call a video that's perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

Amatuer Sex Tape FAILS [2018]

Only 1 thing compliments the relaxed feel of a holiday weekend - And that's getting more rash on your crotch from a guy you salad-tossed than the toilet in a Portuguese farmhouse. And to those inbreds in the last clip: End the bloodline here. This never needs to happen again.