He Only Has One Rule

Uncomfortable Moments in Porn

Emphasis on the 2nd clip. I laughed, I cried, I wondered if this was the backup plan for Cliff Hanger 2 if Stallone's medicine cabinet ran out of human growth hormone. And now you get to experience the same thing for the ultra low price of $0.00. Suck it Apple Vision Pro.

Broken Dreams, Broken Buttholes

Compliments aren't my strong point, but I must say... chick in the yellow dress is fucking stunning. I'd readily eat Honey Nut Cherrios out of Philip Seymour Hoffman's crusty asshole just for a chance to hold her hand. Someone Russian please hook it up.

Awkward Moments In Porn 5

Special shout out to clip #12. For those of you that have never had the luxury of riding a San Fransisco BART train between the hours of 12:00AM and 11:59PM, you just got second hand experienced special delivered by Aunt Jemima herself.

Turtling While 69'ing LOLOLOL

Pug-faced Hispanic drinks herself so numb she doesn't even notice when last night's chimichanga is hanging halfway out her asshole. Her laugh is as bad as her hygiene. Sounds like something Steven Urkel would emit while making love to the dude from Wonder Years. Watch this one all the way through.

Awkward Moments In Porn 7

Eight times pornography actually shocked me. Okay maybe just one time. Specifically #3. While the others have come and gone, this little gem remains unexplained.

18 Year Old Suffers O-Ring Blowout

Don't worry, in a few days she'll be sitting and shitting normally. Just gotta put some icy-hot on her hurt butt and eat a lot of fiber. No worries.

It's Only Smellz

Never have I seen a man do something so incredibly vile with such charm. Where there's tension, he provides laughter. Where there's pain, he provides comfort. And where there's feces on the tip of his penis... he provides dinner.

CORN: BEYOND BUKKAKE

To fully appreciate this, first watch [Part 1] + [Part 2]. This guy isn't just any mope. This is Corn - the likely autistic, positively virgin pornstar that partook in 114 bukkake shoots, 113 of which the beneficary of his cumshot was a cement wall. Starting to understand the significance of the title?

HERE COMES THE PAIN

Cum Haters 2021

Semen sociopaths play their Blue-Eyed White Self-Harm cards in attack mode. The end result? A 4 minute tutorial of what not to do when you finally get the leading role of an independent movie. 10/10 reactions tho, would fap again.

Cum-Hater vs Gang-Bang

Remember that fat crybaby from one of the few episodes of The Maury Show that didn't involve teenagers giving handjobs in exchange for chicken mcnuggets? She had this uncanny ability to make hundreds of bad decisions in a row. Well, it appears she reproduced.

South America's Most Alpha Male

99.99% of men will never experience this man's life. He's got the negotiating skills of Elon Musk, the aura of a baconator and they've got no other options. It's a sexual combination you never knew you wanted until today.