YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG

Painful Moments in Anal Sex

It's that time again. The blurring of that line between majoring at a community college and female independence as illustrated by a sex act that's lead to more adult diapers than In n' Out's Animal Style. Never before has adult entertainment made me proud of the reward points I earned shopping exclusively at Walgreens.

"Dad Gave Me Salmonella"

For fuck sakes, there's only 2 things capable of further emasculating a man that is fantasy-banging his meth head daughter. One is knowing you stuck your dick into a family classic, the other is whatever the shit is going on here.

I HATE CUM 5

Much like the Fast and Furious franchise, this series went from "what the fuck am I watching" to How do we get John Cena into one of these scenes? pretty damn quick. The tipping point involves Morgan Lee's last hurrah before someone convinced her to bootleg Lil Wayno songs. And no, you can't unsee that either.

Pornstar OD's on Set

Ever wonder how these girls are able to accommodate penises large enough to legally require airbags? HINT: They take painkillers. Lots of 'em. And I'm not talking about the kind that leave you looking like the cover of Alison Arngrim's “Heeere's Amy". (look it up)

CAUGHT CHEATING AGAIN

The Most Pathetic Lesbian Scene Of All Time

Some women that happen to look like rejected "Lord of the Rings" characters find themselves in a cheap hotel room, making a porn movie so atrocious that even the producer wouldn't show up to film it.

The Worst of OnlyFanz IX

Today's episode isn't about the money. It's about sending a message. Specifically to the derelicts that have used the Riemann hypothesis and Swinnerton-Dyer conjecture to justify paying for what you're about to see: Stop it. Get some help.

The Only Olympics I'm Watching in 2024

I wasn't intending on the ambiguous crossover of Tokyo and The Kentucky Derby to make my boner list... yet here we are.

Threesomes: You're Doing it Wrong

Before jimmies start rustling, some actual research went into this group. The girl is [Lola Mai]. [Her BF] as cameraman and notorious punching bag [Katie K] rounds out the trio. This is all [consensual], but the recent uptick in torture porn is a tad concerning. Probably has something to do with that damn high fructose corn syrup again. Support them [here] I guess?

Random Guys Try to Fuck a Pornstar

Do their porno dreams come true? Fuck no. Instead, four average-ass mother fuckers attempt to make sex with the prestigious Christy Mack, and each and every one of them brutally embarrasses themselves.

Stacked and More Socially Awkward 18-year-old

You clicked the original one so many damn times, I had to dive deeper into her discography. Unfortunately it turns out all her roads lead to this evolutionary cul-de-sac using her as the only form of exercise he's seen since Jock Jams was a thing. Don't look that up. [-PART I-]

Pornstar Accidently Pukes on Fellow Actress

The pharyngeal reflex AKA laryngeal spasm AKA gag reflex exists to prevent us from dying, but it also makes it much harder to shove dicks down our throats.