Honestly can't say we've been exposed to this level of repulsive bullshit since the early days of the McRib sandwich. It's not the first time I've eaten bargain bin beef in a McDonald's parking lot, and it certainly won't be the last. I should probably call her.
Today's menu? Uninsurable throat damage, the strongest rectum in Texas, more chain mail than Scott Steiner's closet, a recipe banned from 78% of Gordon Ramsay's restaurants and an erection even Penn and Teller can't explain to you. Good luck have fun.
Much like the Fast and Furious franchise, this series went from "what the fuck am I watching" to How do we get John Cena into one of these scenes? pretty damn quick. The tipping point involves Morgan Lee's last hurrah before someone convinced her to bootleg Lil Wayno songs. And no, you can't unsee that either.
Nothing says "the pandemic is over" quite like the uptick in girls increasing their social skank rank by taking their 1-man-band act on the road. Nearly 13 displays of attention-whoring so unprecedented, you'll schedule an STD test just for watching it.
She's having problems of the ovarian variety and it's about to fuck your day up. My defense? eFukt lacks videos for the female demographic. You already know where this is going.
Hoe Chi Minh's first time at the fish market goes sour after realizing he should have spent the extra $20 at eros.com before dartboarding the bargain bin. Her defense for smelling like a Portuguese outhouse? LIterally nothing. She carries on like this is part of the girlfriend experience. I fucking laughed.
You can brag about your male pattern baldness all you want homeboy. But if you're not turning all vaginas within a 3 mile distance into your own personal bowl of Hungry Jack Mashed Potatoes, are you even living the Costanza?
Anastasia Rose becomes the next spokeswoman for Charmin Ultra Soft. Riley Reid reaches peak brain rot. Kenzie Reeves masters the art Yondu's arrow. And this "Gala MV" girl... well... there's no coming back for her. What the fuck?
Is it even possible to bring an oriental female to orgasm without the help of Bob Vila's signature series at this point? I don't know what evolutionary timeline they're living in over there, I can promise you this road only leads to an addiction to Newport cigarettes and a whole lot of apologies.
The "Pepe le Pew" of porn finds out his costar is half an X-men with titanium rods installed on her spin. Woodman's response? An absolute fucking hurricane of verbal and physical assaulting that would make Chris Brown look like Charlie Brown lol.
Essentially this is a public service announcement on the cons and cons of touring San Fransisco. Some will live to tell the tale. Others will merge with Skid Row through osmosis. But all will learn the defintion of of "Ordering the Portuguese Breakfast".
Ever wonder how these girls are able to accommodate penises large enough to legally require airbags? HINT: They take painkillers. Lots of 'em. And I'm not talking about the kind that leave you looking like the cover of Alison Arngrim's “Heeere's Amy". (look it up)
