Honestly can't say we've been exposed to this level of repulsive bullshit since the early days of the McRib sandwich. It's not the first time I've eaten bargain bin beef in a McDonald's parking lot, and it certainly won't be the last. I should probably call her.
So, this is the new standard for getting attention? Terrorizing unsuspecting civilians with your prescription flavored genitals and "oopsy'ing" ur way through milk toast sexual acts? Points for the self-awareness though. It adds a little depth to my upcoming biography aptly named: Sex, Drugs & Brain Damage
Do I even need to release a service bulletin at this point? Ladies; Next time you feel like exploring your options, put in about 18 seconds of research and mAniFeSt what you're about to get into. Maybe then you'll discover something you all lack - coherence motherfuckers.
One determined woman's mission to have her guts turned into a holiday display at Home Goods is actually thwarted by a director that specializes in mawmaw's chicken casserole. She wants to continue, he makes her hit the showers... and a new dynamic in butthole malfeasance porn is born.
Meme Porn: Sometimes it's about as exciting as an audio book of Ted Cruz customizing a value meal at Burger King. But throw in a guy with 2 moms, pay him in dollar-store pastries -- and suddenly you've got more fapping hours than you'll know what to do with.
A socially inept goober gets a job getting jerked off by a hottie and manages to fuck it up, dashing his dreams of porn stardom in the process. It's like the movie Rudy, if Rudy was thrown out the game before ever playing and never scored.
You can brag about your male pattern baldness all you want homeboy. But if you're not turning all vaginas within a 3 mile distance into your own personal bowl of Hungry Jack Mashed Potatoes, are you even living the Costanza?
I've seen this configuration before. Okinawa birth certificate, Chevy-Silverado endurance. I'd refer to Alexa for a proper translation, but Amazon hasn't released the Aspergers DLC yet so you're just gonna have to fill in the blanks yourselves, compadres.
♫ I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine ♫ I got a love and I know that it's all mine, oh, oh-oh ♫ Do what you want but you're never gonna break me ♫ Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me, oh, oh-oh
Some women require foreplay to get off. Others, Little Caesars 5 for $5.00. And then there's Jessica Carrboro aka The Crotch Vampire, who takes no less than a scoop of organic strawberry swirl to get moist. I say this with complete sincerity: You're not ready for her.
She's having problems of the ovarian variety and it's about to fuck your day up. My defense? eFukt lacks videos for the female demographic. You already know where this is going.
Lexi Grey has a long list of do's and a virtually non-existent list of do-nots. Now somebody get this future hall of famer the urban dictionary definition of Alabama Hot Pocket ASAP so we can fight over who gets to marry her first.
