After a cockless decade of lonely nights, Granny is back in action. She's a wee bit senile (The Exorcist comes to mind), but lucky for Billy her pole-riding skills haven't withered quite as badly as the rest of her. She can actually recite your name in a dozen different frequencies as she works the cock. Pretty impressive for a senior citizen.
For a minute there, I was actually beginning to lose faith in Japan's ability to consistently create the most fucked up, ridiculous adult films known to man. Then I was introduced to the latest and greatest - 'anamorphic animal porn'. Pure win.
I'll give you a hint - it's a vegetable that shares it's name with an incredibly shitty nu metal band whose fans always wear black nail polish and amazingly have smaller penises than myself (sub 3.75 inches). This is too easy.
Whenever she makes the unfortunate decision to reproduce, I bet you the doctors in the delivery room will just have her stand up and let gravity take it's course. The little fucker will fall right out.
I caught my ex-girlfriend masturbating once after months of reconnaissance. At first I was all like "HAHA I finally caught you! Yussss!".... but then it occured to me - she rather fuck a piece of plastic than sleep with me. What a fucking insult.
Guadalupe no, not on the sheets. Those are fucking Egyptian cotton. Now his whole bedroom's gonna stink like chicken of the sea for the next month and half. But maybe you can redeem yourself by clawing at his testicles a little more?
That doesn't even look too fun. Her tits look like tomatoes on the verge of exploding. I never realized breasts were so durable. Not only do they come in handy for whatever the fuck you'd call this shit, but they also serve as excellent punching bags. They're multipurpose, unlike my penis.
All the things that made amputee porn so great just got shitted on by whoever made this so called 'erotic film'. Amputee porn is about disabled, submissive (and usually defenseless) women being fucked by men with exceedingly large penises. I refuse to have it any other way.
I want to be like this guy. I want to have woman begging for my cock and me be all like "lol no, slut" but I just don't see this happening. I mean right now I get rejected by everyone, including prostitutes (yes, even the black ones) so I don't know what the fuck to do. Maybe one of you will beg for my cock? C'mon, it's Christmas. Let me penetrate your holiday spirit.
The first thing that came to mind was the chest burster scene from Alien. The second thing that came to mind was the giant worm-like monsters from Tremors. You see where I'm going with this? Put those two together and you have what this woman's asshole looks like. Swear to fuck I saw some teeth.
Usually when the girl flops around like a fish it means she's having a pretty intense orgasm and needs a quick time out. Dildo baggins here didn't get the memo.
This is from the 1976 classic Water Power. It's a lot like Taxi Driver, except this Travis Bickle has a little fetish for forcing woman into doing enemas at gun point. The film is actually based on real crimes committed by an Illinois man dubbed the "Enema Bandit". Anyway he's dead now, so R.I.P you scat-loving motherfucker.
When your penis just can't get the job done, you gotta resort to other body parts. The fist is the limb of choice for most of those big-pussied sluts, but of course there's always gonna be some with even more demanding needs. In this video the guy uses his foot, but keep in mind you can always skull fuck them too. Just shave your head 1st for the sake of hygiene.
Fuck, that's a hell of a way to mop a floor. It's inspiring really. So how exactly would one apply this kind of creativity to cleaning up their bathroom? I've got shit stains on my toilet dating back from 1997 and the only way I'm gonna get off my ass and do something about it is if it involves a naked woman.
