Sonuva bitch... dude's packing the kind of penis that can only be described as "an emergency every time I have to take a piss". Time to call up AARP and find out what size wheelbarrow they're willing to cover for this kind of disability. Something in a dual-wheel polycarbon should do it.
Outside of ejaculating to Nicolas Cage's death scene in The Wicker Man, no male celebrity will bring you remorse quite like Simon 'Dirt Nasty' Rex. Former MTV VJ, rolls with Andy Milonakis... and 20 years ago he took a $100 payday to stick his dick in Zack Morris' bedroom carpet. [Diss Track by Traplord Skybaby]
For fuck sakes, there's only 2 things capable of further emasculating a man that is fantasy-banging his meth head daughter. One is knowing you stuck your dick into a family classic, the other is whatever the shit is going on here.
It's that special time where we honor the internet's most stand out virtual hookers. These clips highlight the dangers, struggles and accomplishments of a profession that's sure to be a future premise of a black mirror episode.
Paying some skank on the internet to watch you jerk off on webcam seems pathetic and sad overall, but this cam slut has to hold back laughing when she see's this fuckin guys dick.
The pharyngeal reflex AKA laryngeal spasm AKA gag reflex exists to prevent us from dying, but it also makes it much harder to shove dicks down our throats.
Meet the man whose penis looks more like a belly button with testicles. The man who gives credence to the old adage of "it's just cold outside", in response to why ones cock would be smaller than a vienna sausage.
"Django the Fifth's Revenge" is the story of a self-proclaimed "black cock slut" on a mission. Notice the highly viscous load of seminal fluid dangle dancing off her chin the whole scene.
