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Quit Fapping & GTFO

I guess he figured that once she laid eyes on his 7 inch yankee doodle, she wouldn't be able to resist and that a 'happy ending' would ensue. The Motel 6 guy actually shared the same ideology. Too much late night Cinemax porn can really fuck with your head these days.

10/09/09 Exhibition

The Most Miserable Pornstar Ever

Pretty sure I once saw this chick in a humanitarian commercial for Yugoslavian orphans. It's hard to forget a facial expression like that.... especially after fappin to it for 3 consecutive months.

10/07/09 Fail

Cunt Head

Yoshinoya lost his Rolex diamond watch up a hooker's fallopian tubes and sets off on a death defying expedition to recover it. Enjoy!

09/30/09 Asians

Molested At Lunch Time

This is a scene from some stupid French porno called The Image. Stars that old bitch from 101 Dalmations as some sort of empowered cunt that likes to dominate. Kinda funny but not really my cup of tea. I was raised on the notion that degradation is a man's job.

09/16/09 Groped

Sharing Is Caring

Snowballing? Fuck that. I'd rather toss my girlfriend's salad directly after shitting out 2 pounds of kung pao chicken than be orally introduced to my own man jam. Too many calories bro.

09/14/09 LULZ

Anal With Constipated Girlfriend

I'm always one step ahead of female biology. When I wanna ass fuck a woman, I simply lace her Cinnamon Toast Crunch with ex-lax. Come night fall, her cornhole is as empty as Tara Reid's head. Works every time.

09/09/09 LULZ

Pornstar Quits Over Farting Incident

This is a scene from MEATHOLES, which was basically one of the most extreme porn sites on the web back in 2003-ish. It's funny. This girl can handle a fist up her cunt while the cameraman inquires about her childhood, but let one slip in her face and that's where she draws the line.

08/19/09 Meatholes Fail

Pornstar Hates Semen

No one said you had to like it baby. Just sit back, open wide and think about all the Baja Chalupas you'll be able to buy as soon as you're done. That's what gets me through the day.

08/17/09 Cum Haters

The Sex Offender Strikes Back

Interesting choice in victims. Random hot chicks, disabled senior citizens, and now ambulance drivers. Variety really is the spice of life.

08/12/09 Exhibition

Gangbanged By 251 Men For Nothing

The 90's - A time when fucking a quarter thousand men in the name of art somehow made sense. Talk about a resume booster!

08/09/09 LULZ

The Sex Life Of A Dwarf

Repost? Technically yes. But the addition of Beetlejuice getting titty-blasted by some random bitch makes it well worth a second viewing. I promise.

07/25/09 Mildly Retarded

Life Support Porn

I've officially seen it all. Well, almost. Still waiting on that Brian Peppers sextape to surface. Till then, my hunt for fucked up porno treasure goes on.

07/12/09 Mildly Retarded

Sex Ed For Dummies

Usually these type of videos are designed for kids. This one's actually for adults... adults so dumb they can't tell apart their wife's pussy hole from an Arby's Beef N Cheddar. Skip to 3:38 and you'll understand.

07/11/09 Documentary

Shotgun Blast To The Vajayjay

All I can think about is the people who jack off to this shit. I envision a crowd of a thousand Japs in a dimly lit adult theater, simultaneously ejaculating just as the girl's vagina gets blown into oblivion by a point-blank blast from a 12 guage. Enthusiastic high fives, everywhere.

07/07/09 Bizarre

A Unique Friendship

Way too homoerotic for my taste, but I did get a laugh out of his 'grand finale' and the excessive use of the word "bro". Watch all the way through and you'll understand.

07/02/09 Bizarre

Extreme Anal Maintenance

God damn. If only my girlfriend shared her habits... maybe then I wouldn't end up with shit in my urethra 3 times a week.

07/01/09 Bizarre

Fuck The Shit Out Of Me

Ask, and ye shall recieve. I learned that in bible club

05/30/09 Orgasms

All Girls Love Assholes

Especially fat ones. Dinner time!

05/28/09 Amateur

The Most Obnoxious Bitch In Porn

I don't really give a fuck what anyone else has to say... domestic violence is always a solution. I'd pimp slap that bitch all the way back into the 80's, a time when her David Bowie hairdo was actually fashionable.

05/18/09 Fail

Orgasm Renders Wife Unconscious

Neat trick but I'm afraid I lack the penis for the job. No worries though, that's where the GHB comes into play. It's all about equal opportunity fellas.

05/13/09 Orgasms
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