She escaped communist China in search of a better life. Only to find herself in a Detroit warehouse angrily jerking off dudes and giving unhappy endings.
Congratz! Local Russian folklore states that if you are visited by the naked battle gypsy of St. Pete you will be forever blessed by good fortune. Don't look directly at her vagina though, or they say she'll curse you with impotence.
Tip of the Day: Allowing any part of your body to find it's way in between a fully-enraged Tory Lane and a device that was designed to un-crust last night's Pinto Bean Soufflé isn't a constructive use of your time. You stand about as much chance of going home unscathed as a WSB does being profitable.
If there's one thing that never fails to get me questioning the future of this whole human race experiment; it's what the most unassuming person will consider a sexual accessory. So here's about 6 of them. That's right, six. As in the number of times I replayed the noise that Pringles can made when ricocheting off her head.
FORNICATION: It's pretty basic stuff. But for Goober McAutismo over here it might as well be mission impossible. What you're about to see may quite possibly be the worst excuse for sexual entertainment that's ever made it online... and that's coming from someone who sat through all 74 minutes of Edward Penishands. Twice.
Mercedes Carrera is hot and sucks a mean dick, but she's about to drop a big ass fuckin truth bomb on the problem with feminists, gamergate and all that shit.
An aryan goddess sexually trolls the hotel bell hop in order to win a "contest" that may or may not even exist. Regardless, Michael Cera is here to help. Although I'm not entirely convinced he's ever done this before.
Three years later and it seems [-our boy-] has ditched the mashed potatoes recipe and moved on to crafting a signature carne asada. ¿Felicidades mi amigo?
I have a totally epic attraction like lol. only fuck you once under. Don't I ever include not a fucking internet return entry. so really serious like you know i love like you, only u r so easy living free.